Justin's Big Secret
by twinkminded
Summary: Justin walked out on Brian a year and a half ago, leaving Liberty Ave completely. But a call from the hospital sends Brian to Justin's side, wanting to help. Justin doesn't want his help, doesn't want Brian around, to find out his secret, the reason he walked out the night. (Not good at summaries) No Prop14 I do not own these characters
1. Prolgue

**Set shortly after season four**

Brian knew something was wrong with Justin and had been for a couple days. The little twat had been in his life long enough that Brian knew he almost better than he knew himself. Even if he couldn't read the kid, the fact that Justin brushed him off when it came to sex said it.

Brian closed the gate to the elevator and walked to the door of the loft.

He knew something was bothering his blond twinkie, but he hadn't said anything. The last time Justin pulled away it was because he wanted a commitment from the older man. Brian was worried that was what was on the kid's mind again. And he wanted to ignore it as long as he could.

The lights were on in the loft when he opened the door, but it was silent. Usually Justin had the TV or radio on when he was alone, even if he was lost in his art. It was late, after one, so perhaps he'd already gone to bed.

"Hey, Sunshine," he called out lightly, pushing the door closed.

Justin stepped out of the bedroom, fully dressed. He wasn't smiling as he usually was, wasn't even pretending to as he had for the past couple days.

"Going somewhere?" He asked lightly, his heart starting to pound. Something was really wrong, he could feel it.

"Yeah, I'm going somewhere," Justin said flatly, his face expressionless. It was a look Brian couldn't ever remembering seeing on the hot boy.

"Oh?" He asked, trying to sound nonchalant. "Where?"

Justin walked to the couch and picked up his messenger/art bag, sliding it over his head. "None of your fucking business," he snapped, raising angry eyes to him.

Brian blinked at him, surprised. He hadn't done something to really upset the boy, had he?

"Justin?" He said with a raised brow. "What's wrong?" He rarely asked anyone that, but this was Justin.

"Everything," Justin said, clutching the strap of his bag. He took a deep breath, blew it out, and stared Brian right in the eyes. His bright blue eyes were filled with anger and hurt, something Brian had seen before. Unfortunately, he'd put that look in Sunshine's eyes a couple of times.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, sure of what Justin would say. He'd spout off about Brian staying out all night fucking, how he wished Brian would stay home for a change, how Brian never told him how he felt.

"You, Brian," the blond said heatedly, glaring. "You are what's wrong, everything about you is what's wrong."

"Excuse me?" Brian asked stupidly. Justin complained sometimes about a few of Brian's flaws, but he never said anything like that.

"Who and what you are is what's wrong," he said then shook his head. "I was wrong."

Brian raised a brow, his heart pounding. This was not one of their normal spats, one of Justin's little fits about not getting what he wanted.

Justin took another deep breath and blew it out. "I thought I loved you," he said flatly.

Brian froze. Thought? If there was one thing the kid was consistent with was that he swore he loved the older man.

"I was wrong," he said again and started walking for the door.

Brian clenched his hands into fists, anger and hurt building inside of him. "After four years?" He asked tightly. "You're going to just change your mind?"

Justin grabbed the bar on the door and slid it open. "No," he said turning to look at him. "After four years I'm going to finally admit the truth. I don't love you." He stared right into Brian's eyes, his hard and determined. "I just fooled myself into thinking I did. The truth is, Brian, I hate you."

"Bullshit," Brian snapped and took a step towards him. "You have hounded me and professed love for me since the night we met. Tell me what the hell is going on."

He shook his head a little. "I'm leaving," he said calmly. "I don't love you. I don't want you. I don't even like you anymore."

"Why?" Brian asked taking another step for the only man he actually wanted to keep in his bed.

"You're a heartless bastard," he said cruelly. "You fuck anyone."

Brian raised a brow, trying to act normal when he was scared that Justin might actually be serious about leaving, really leaving.

"You drink and do drugs every night," he went on. "You only care about yourself." He gave Brian a cruel smile. "And you're no longer the hot man that brought me here that night. You're getting old and you're no longer as attractive as I thought you were."

Brian tensed at his cruel words, because he was right. Brian cared more about himself than anyone else. He cared about his image, and hearing that the boy thought he was old and unattractive hurt.

"But mostly because after everything that you have done to me these past four years," he said after a short pause. "I hate you."

Brian inhaled sharply at the harsh words from him. Justin was the one person who never said anything like that to him.

"Good-bye, Brian," Justin said flatly and stepped out of the loft.

Brian stood frozen and the metal door was slammed shut. Justin, his Justin, had just walked out of him. And this time Brian knew it wasn't for some little reason.

After a minute, an hour, a year, he didn't know, he finally moved. He looked around at the suddenly empty loft. Justin's things were gone from the open living space. The computer Brian had bought him a couple years ago sat alone on the desk, all of the paper and pencils that were usually around it gone. There were no sketchbooks or clothes sitting around.

Walking numbly into the bedroom, he found the bed made up. None of Justin's trinkets sat on the little nightstand on his side of the bed. He opened the closet and dresser drawer, already knowing he would find Justin's things gone. The bathroom proved the same. There was nothing of Justin's left in the loft. He'd already moved out.

"Mother fucker," he screamed in anger, at his own stupidity. For allowing himself to feel anything for the kid, for letting him into his life and heart, but mostly for him walking out, for leaving Brian.


	2. Alone

**I do not own QAF or any of the characters, as much as I wish I could**

**I'm sorry this chapter is short, but I wanted to stop when POV ended. The rest of the story after this will be constantly changing POV (as a warning)**

A year and a half later

Justin stared dejectedly at the sketch in front of him. It was horrible and lacking any emotion. He hadn't drawn anything good in a long time.

He sighed and tossed the book to the floor next to him. He didn't know why he even tried anymore. His drawling sucked ass and he couldn't even draw for more than ten minutes anymore. He had more trouble with his hand than he had since he was in therapy.

Justin finally got up and left his crappy apartment. He needed some fresh air, he hadn't been out of the apartment since returning from the doctor this morning.

He walked slowly down the street, his hands in his pockets. He wasn't going anywhere, had nowhere to go. It was his only day off work, not that he wanted a day off. He had nowhere to go or anyone to see.

When he'd walked out of Brian's loft, he'd walked away from Liberty Avenue and everyone there. He hadn't spoken to any of his old friends or his family in a year and a half. He hadn't made any new friends since moving to this side of town. He didn't want to make new friends, be around people.

He stared at his shoes as he walked across the street, not paying any attention until his body exploded in pain.

A/N

Thank you so much for the review! This is my first try at fanfic and would love to know what you think of it.


	3. The Call

**I do not own QAF or any of the chaarcters**

**Okay, so I wrong last time. This chapter is entirely Brian's POV. **

Brian looked up as the door to his office opened. "Yes, Cynthia?"

"G. Memorial Hospital is on line one," she said sounding a little confused.

"What do they want?" He asked with a frown.

"Just that they need to speak to you about a patient in their care."

He picked up the phone quickly, worried. What member of his odd family was in the hospital? And why were they calling him instead of whoever's partner?

"This is Kinney," he said into the phone.

"Mr. Kinney, this is Dr. Johns from GMH," the voice on the other end said. "Justin Taylor has been admitted to the hospital."

Brian stilled. He hadn't heard Justin's name out loud in a long time. It was something no one talked about when he was around.

"Why do you need to contact me?" He asked tightly, worried. Why was Justin in the hospital? It had to be serious for them to be contacting anyone. Why was he still on Justin's paperwork?

"Mr. Taylor was brought in after an accident and you _are_ listed as primary contact," the man said calmly. "He's due out of surgery shortly."

Brian inhaled sharply, remembering the last time Justin was in surgery. "Is he okay?" He asked slowly.

"His chances are very good, it's not a major surgery," the doctor said. "If you would like to come down…"

"I'll be right there," Brian said quickly and hung up.

He hurried out of the office, only pausing long enough to tell Cynthia that he had to go.

Something happened to Justin.

It didn't matter that it had been over a year and a half since the young man had walked out on him, he was still scared shitless of him being hurt.

Surgery. Justin was in surgery. It wasn't some simple accident.

He walked into the hospital and he knew he looked perfectly calm; he had years of practice in schooling his features.

It was less than ten minutes later that he stood outside a hospital room with Dr. Johns.

"What happened?" He asked the graying man.

"He was hit by a car while crossing the street," the man said calmly, but with a sympathetic look.

Brian just looked at him, unsure what to say for a change. Hit by a car?

"He had some internal bleeding, but we were able to stop it," the doctor went on. "His head took a good hit, but I'm certain he didn't take any real damage there."

"He's had brain trauma before," Brian said even though he knew it was on file.

Johns nodded. "His left shoulder was dislocated," he told him. "Several of his ribs are cracked as well."

"You said internal bleeding?" He asked looking at the closed door, knowing Justin was just behind it.

Johns nodded. "We stopped it as I said and he should be just fine. He's bruised up, but since he was wearing thick layers he only has a few abrasions."

Brian nodded.

"He's still not awake," he said after a moment of silence between them. "But you can go in and see him."

Brian nodded, staring at the door. He knew his heart didn't need to see the only man to make his way into it, but he had to see that Justin really was okay.

He took a deep breathed and walked into the room.

Justin lay on the first of the two beds, the other was empty. The plain white sheet was pulled up to his shoulders as he lay flat on his back. His left arm was on his chest, held in place with cloth bindings. His beautiful face was a little thinner than Brian remembered and his entire left cheek was bruised. His blond hair was a mess and a little longer than before. He had an oxygen tub across his face and under his nose, an IV in his right hand, and was hooked up to the normal monitors.

Brian walked slowly up to the bed, his heart clenched tightly in pain. Justin looked so small and broken.

"I thought you left town," he said softly, not knowing what to do. "You just disappeared."

He stared at the sleeping blond, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. It had been so horrible when Justin had walked out on him, but to find out that he had just completely disappeared had been so much worse.

He finally sat in the chair in the corner and just watched the young man sleep. He couldn't just leave Justin, at least not until he was positive the twink would be okay. Then he would have to let the only man he loved walk back out of his life.

He leaned his back and closed his eyes, listening to the monitors, to the sounds out in the hall. He didn't know what to do except wait.

He barely acknowledged the couple of times a nurse stuck her head in. He dozed as the hours passed, just waiting.


	4. In The Hospital

**I do not own QAf of characters**

**POV will constantly be moving around from now on. I'm sorry for any errors and for being vague on some things (hospital procedure, care and recouping from certain injuries, ect.)**

**Brian and Justin finally see each other again! Please enjoy!**

He barely acknowledged the couple of times a nurse stuck her head in. He dozed as the hours passed, just waiting.

"Back I see."

Brian opened his eyes to see a homely nurse standing next to the bed, checking the monitors.

"I would say I'm glad to see you, sweetie," she went on easily as if Justin could hear her. "But not like this."

Brian watched as she flipped through the pages on her clipboard.

"You're looking a little skinny," the nurse said in a motherly-scolding fashion. "You're not eating enough. I told you that you have to get good to stay strong and healthy."

"Little late for that, Chrissy."

Brian sat up straight at Justin's rough voice.

"Don't give me that," the nurse said lightly, not acting surprised to hear Justin speak. "Now tell me how you feel."

"Like I was run over by a truck," Justin groaned without opening his eyes. His body hurt, but in that distant way that meant he was on painkillers of some kind.

"I think it was a car."

Justin's eyes flew open at the sound of Brian's voice. He instantly squeezed them shut against the bright light.

"Br…Brian?" He stuttered softly, his heart pounding, echoed by the machines he was hooked up to.

"Were you expecting Emmitt?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone," he admitted softly. "Why are you here?"

"The hospital called," Brian said calmly.

"Are you in any pain, sweetie?" Chrissy asked gently.

"Some," Justin said as he slowly opened his eyes. He gave the nurse a weak smile. "How long have I been here?"

She gave him a gentle and understanding look. "Eighteen hours."

His eyes widened. That long?

"I'll be right back in with you some medicine, sweetie," she said kindly.

"Thanks," he said softly and watched as she walked out.

"You know the nurse by name without seeing her?" Brian asked lightly, remaining in his chair. He knew if he got up he would end up at the bed and pulling the young man into his arms.

"She's the night nurse," Justin explained slowly as he used his good hand to push the control to raise the bed up a little.

Brian stared at him as he did. He did look a little thinner than Brian remembered.

"She took care of me the last time I was here."

"Last two times," the nurse said walking back into the room with a cup of water and one of those little paper cups that usually held pills.

"What were you here for?" Brian asked, worried.

"Nothing serious," Justin muttered as he looked at his immobile arm.

"You dislocated your shoulder," the nurse explained as she held the little cup out to Justin. "And your last two visits may not be as serious as this one, but they were still serious."

"What happened?" Brian asked, watching the nurse dump several pills into Justin's waiting hand.

"I had a bad reaction to a medicine," Justin said, pointedly not looking in Brian's direction. "Then pancreatitis."

Brian frowned as the blond tossed all the pills into his mouth at one time. Pancreatitis? That wasn't really common for a man Justin's age.

He watched as Justin gulped some water, swallowing down the pills effortlessly.

"You need to rest," the nurse told him. "The doctor will be in shortly to see you."

"Thanks, Chrissy."

Brian watched the woman leave the room then looked back to Justin, who had his eyes closed once again. He looked at the man, at a loss for words, something that was rare for him.

"Why are you here?" Justin asked softly.

"The hospital called," he said again.

"Why are you still here?" Justin said keeping his eyes closed. He didn't want to look at Brian, it was hard enough being in the room with him. He wanted so bad to have the older man with him, but knew he couldn't. He couldn't be around him.

"To make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," he said calmly, lying. His head hurt and his sides ached. He hoped whatever Chrissy gave him kicked in soon.

"You've never been a good lair," Brian said lightly.

Justin didn't say anything. He really wasn't a good lair. He'd only managed to pull of his biggest lie by being cruel with it.

"I thought you left town," Brian said after an eternity.

"I was going to," he admitted softly, his eyes still closed. "I just couldn't afford it."

Brian nodded, but didn't say anything as the doctor walked in. He sat silently as the doctor talked to Justin then as Justin fell asleep.

He needed to leave now. Justin was going to be fine. Brian needed to leave. He wanted the blond in his life too much, but he didn't want to be in Brian's. It would be best if he left now.

Justin looked up when the door opened, ready to ask the nurse to call him a cab. He was released to go home as long as he had someone to keep an eye on him. Justin had lied and said his roommate would.

He shut his mouth in surprise when he found Brian walking calmly into the room.

The man was dressed in casual jeans and a nice black button-up shirt, looking just as gorgeous as always.

"What are you doing here?" Justin asked past his pounding heart. He had been relieved to find the man gone when he woke up. He'd hoped it meant that Brian had left for good.

"Giving you a ride home," Brian said smoothly, his eyes going over the scrubs Justin was wearing.

"I can get there on my own," Justin said, trying to sound cold.

Brian raised a brow and looked at him in his calm and confident way. Damn him.

"I'll take you home," Brian said firmly. "Then you can let your roommate take care of you."

Justin tried not to wince. Apparently Brian had heard his lie. At least he bought it.

"I don't need your help," he said with a glare, hoping he wasn't betraying himself with his eyes.

"Quit being a princess," he said. The words had often been said with a smile in the past, but there was no smile now, just a known set to his jaw.

Justin sighed. He knew Brian Kinney and he knew he wouldn't win this. "Fine," he groused and slowly stood up.

His stomach hurt, his sides ached, his chest hurt with every breath, and his head ached. The only thing not hurting was his shoulder.

He let himself be wheeled out of the hospital, climbed carefully into Brian's 'Vett, and told him how to get to his apartment. He would have to move as soon as he could, just in case Brian passed along where he was staying.

Justin stared out the window as they rode in silence. He didn't know what to say to the man, the man he loved. He knew the safest was to say nothing.

"This isn't the way," he said when he noticed they weren't heading in the right direction.

"To the loft it is," Brian said calmly.

Justin's heart started to pound. "You said you would take me home."

"My home," Brian said.

Justin looked at him. "No," he said strongly. "Either take me to my apartment or let me out here."

"You need someone to take care of you for a day or two," Brian reminded him.

"No, I don't," he protested.

"Justin, you're hurt," he said calmly. "You can only use one arm, you can't lift anything. The doctor said you shouldn't even be moving around too much today. The only reason they let you out is if you have someone to help you."

"I have someone," he lied.

"You're roommate?" Brian asked in that tone that said he didn't believe it.

"Just let me out," Justin said and looked out his window, refusing to look at Brian. "I have to go home."

"You need someone to help you, at least for a day or two."

"Why the fuck do you care?" Justin asked harshly, forcing himself to look at the other man.

Brian was silent for a long minute as he continued to drive towards his loft. Why did he care? Because this was Justin.

"Just accept the help, you stupid little twat," he finally said.

"No," Justin countered.

Brian shouldn't have been surprised. Justin had always been stubborn.

"Fine," he said. "When we get to the loft, you're welcome to call a taxi, if you can walk down the stairs." He wasn't going to let him do it, but he knew once they got there he would be able to argue Justin inside.

"You know I can't," Justin said tensely.

"Then accept my help," Brian said. "For a day or two."

"Why?" He asked. "Why are you insisting on this?"

Brian looked over at him for a long second then back to the road. "Because despite what you think and what you said, I do give a shit," he admitted. "So shut the fuck up. You're staying with me for the next two days."

Justin slumped in his seat and Brian knew he won. "I still have to go home."

"Why?"

"Clothes for a start."

Brian raised a brow. "I have sweats you can wear tonight. I'll go to your place and pick up some clothes later."

"No," Justin said quickly. "I have to go home."

"You are staying-"

"With you," Justin said in defeat. "But I still have to go home. I have to get a few things."

"What is so damn important that can't wait?" Brian asked in annoyance. "You want me to drive to the other side of town for some clothes?"

"No," Justin said and balled his right hand into a fist as it started to shake. "I need my medicine."

Brian was quiet for a minute. "You've missed your allergy medicine before," he reminded him. He didn't want to drive across town. Justin might refuse to leave once at his place and Brian was going to make damn sure the little shit was taken care of until he could do it.

"Damn it, Brian!" Justin exclaimed. "Just take me home so I can get my meds. I'll stay with you and let you watch over me for whatever damn reason you think you have to, just let me get my fucking pills."

Brian turned on his blinker and headed towards Justin's apartment, surprised by the harshness of Justin's words.


	5. Medicine

**I do not own QAF or characters**

Enjoy :)

Brian turned on his blinker and headed towards Justin's apartment, surprised by the harshness of Justin's words.

He curled his lip up when he parked in front of the dingy building Justin directed him to. It looked like a shit hole.

"I'll be back," Justin said opening his door.

Brian rolled his eyes and got out. He raised his brow when Justin started to protest him going in, then the man just sighed.

Brian kept a hand close to Justin's good arm as they walked to the elevator, glad there was one. He remained silent as they rode up, as Justin slowly walked to his door, and as he opened it.

He frowned at the tiny space that was exposed. It was tiny, dingy, and sparse. The only furniture was a bed, banged up dresser, and old coffee table. An old radio sat against one wall with a small stack of CDs, several books were stacked nearby, sketchbooks were tossed together in one corner with pencils and other such art things he knew Justin used. The kitchen was barely able to be called that with its small fridge, microwave, sink, hot plate, and two cabinets over the short counter. A couple dishes sat on the counter next to the sink.

He looked around slowly as Justin carefully pulled a couple pieces of clothes down that hung on a shower curtain rigged in one corner.

How the man could live in this space confused him.

He walked to the 'kitchen' and the collection of pill bottles. It was a lot of bottles and it made him worry about Justin, who had always been a healthy person. "I hope you don't actually have to share this place with a roommate," he said idly as he picked up one of the bottles.

He didn't get a response and he was glad as he read the name of the medicine in his hand. His heart started to pound in fear. He picked up another bottle and looked at it in horror. He knew this medicine too. These were meds Vic had taken for years, meds he knew Ben and Hunter took.

"Put that down," Justin said harshly and Brian could only look at the blond.

"Justin," he whispered, praying he would be told he was wrong.

Justin looked away from the horror in Brian's eyes. This was why he didn't want to stay at Brian's. He didn't want Brian to know.

"Leave," Justin said harshly. He didn't want to face the man he loved, to face the pity.

"Justin," Brian said again. "Are you-?"

"Just leave, Brian," Justin said and took the bottles from Brian's hands. He turned away and walked the couple of steps to his bed. He carefully eased himself to sit on it and stared at the bottles in his shaking hand.

"No," Brian said firmly as he looked at the top of Justin's head, his heart still pounding with the knowledge. Justin was positive.

"You agreed to let me help you for two days if I brought you here," he reminded him. "I brought you here so get what you need and come on."

"No," Justin said softly. "I don't want anything to do with you."

Brian stared at Justin as something slipped through his mind, as the angry words Justin had spoken passed through his mind. He'd done the same thing to Justin when he'd found out about the cancer. Brian hadn't wanted Justin to know, to worry about him, to pity him, so he'd thrown him out.

Justin had walked out in the same manner that night. He'd already known he was positive then. That was why he left, Brian was sure of it.

He knelt down and lifted Justin's face with a finger under his chin. He waited until Justin's blue eyes met his, hating the shame there. "I don't care what you want," he said calmly, repeating the words Justin had said once he did find out about the cancer. "You are coming home with me, at least for a few nights." He was damned if he was going to let him deal with this on his own, but one step at a time.

Justin shook his head slightly. "No."

"Yes," Brian said firmly and stood up. "Now do what I said, you little twat."

Justin sighed in defeat, his shoulders dropping. There were battles with Brian that just could not be won. He didn't want to go. He wanted to be with Brian so much. It was going to be hell staying at the place he'd seen as his home for years.

Brian packed a few clothes in a duffle and scooped all the pill bottles in as well, hating to see them. His Justin, his Sunshine.

Justin didn't say anything as they went back across town, as Brian filled the prescription for the pain meds, as they made their way into the loft.

"Sit down," Brian said gently as he pulled the door closed. He put Justin's bag on one of the barstools and went to the fridge. "When do you have to take your meds?"

"In an hour," Justin said softly.

Brian carried a bottle of water and the bottle of pain pills over and sat on the couch with Justin. "Take this," he told him.

Justin took two of the pills and leaned back. He ached and was drained. All he wanted was to sleep.

"Go to bed," Brian said gently, seeing the exhaustion on the man's face.

"I can't," Justin said. "You're sitting on it."

Brian raised a brow. "You think I'm going to make you sleep on the couch?" He asked.

"I'm not sleeping in a bed with you," Justin said closing his eyes. That would be a mistake. If he allowed Brian too close then he wouldn't be able to leave again.

"I'll sleep here," Brian said. "You go lay down."

"I have to take my meds in an hour," he said, trying to sound calm even though he hated to say it, to admit to Brian of all people that he had to take them, that he was positive.

He turned his face away as a tear slid from between his closed lid. Even after all this time it still hurt when he said it, even in his head.

The loft was silent for the next hour as they just sat on the couch, Justin with his eyes closed and Brian with his eyes on the window.

Brian finally stood up and collected all the pill bottles from Justin's bag and put them in his lap. He was silent as the younger man's palm filled with pills.

"Will you hand me those?" Justin asked pointing at the bottle from earlier.

Brian did as he was asked and Justin added two of those to the pile. "Are you sure you should be taking more?" He asked slowly.

Justin paused in the action of lifting his hand to his mouth. "I'm allowed four in four hours," he said calmly. "The way my head is pounding, I wouldn't care if I was allowed to or not."

He tossed all the pills into his mouth and swallowed them down with the rest of the bottled water.

"Get some sleep now," Brian said, looking the other man over. Justin looked so different. It wasn't that he'd lost a little weight, it was in his eyes. The happy man that had gotten named Sunshine was gone, that bright light dimmed.

Justin nodded and slowly stood up. He winced as he eased himself down onto the bed he'd slept in for years. He sighed once settled down and closed his eyes. This was so much better than the bed he had at his place.

Brian stood on the steps to the bedroom, watching Justin as his breathing evened out in sleep.

When Justin walked out of his life he swore he didn't care, didn't care about the man. He knew it wasn't true, but it had been the only way to harden himself against the pain of being left.

Staring at his blond twinkie laying in the bed, all he could think of was how much he cared about him and how scared he was of losing him again. Justin looked so broken with the bruise on his cheek and his arm bound to his chest.

He finally kicked his shoes off and settled onto the couch. There was nothing he could do at the moment for the young man.

**Now the secret is out...**


	6. Unexpected Guests

Justin woke up to a familiar banging, someone knocking on the loft door.

He groaned as he tried to roll over, only to be met with pain. The pain brought him fully awake and reminded him that he didn't live in the loft anymore and why he was there.

He sat up slowly as he heard the metal door slid open.

"Michael." Brian sounded surprised and maybe even a touch worried.

"I thought you were coming to Woody's."

Justin sat very still, knowing it would be bad if Michael saw him. Michael was always the first to hate him.

"You alright, Brian?" That was Ben.

"I'm going to pass," Brian said calmly, stepping towards the kitchen, keeping the attention of both men. He didn't want to have the fight with Michael he knew was going to happen when he found out Justin was back.

"You?" Ben asked with a raised brow then really looked at the man.

Brian shrugged. "You two go on," he said calmly. "I've got a lot of work to do."

Justin closed his eyes as his stomach rolled. He was going to be sick and he knew it.

He groaned in pain as he made himself stand up quickly and rush as quickly as he could to the bathroom.

Brian heard movement in the bedroom, but didn't worry too much, knowing Justin wouldn't come out. Then he heard the unmistakable sound of someone puking.

"Got company, huh?" Ben asked lightly.

Brian didn't spare him a second as he hurried for the bathroom. "Justin?"

"Justin?!" Michael screeched. "What's he doing here?!"

Brian ignored him as he entered the bathroom to find Justin sitting on the floor, panting, his face covered with tears.

"Hey," Brian said gently, kneeling down next to the man.

Justin looked up at Brian, unable to stop the tears. He hurt so fucking bad. He really shouldn't have been moving like that, much less putting such strain on his stomach and chest.

"You okay now?"

Justin nodded weakly. He didn't feel like hurling anymore at least.

"What the hell is he doing here?"

Justin made himself look up at the angry Michael standing in the doorway.

Brian glared at his friend for a second then turned back to Justin. "Come on," he said taking his good arm. "You need to put something on your stomach."

"Okay," Justin said softly as he carefully stood up.

"Brian," Michael snapped as he led Justin past the pissed man.

Justin kept his head down as he walked with Brian to the kitchen and eased onto a stool. He didn't want to be here.

"Why is he here?" Michael demanded loudly.

"I'm helping him," Brian said calmly as he looked for some crackers or bread.

"Just like that?" Michael asked, glaring at Justin's hanging head. "He walks back into your life and you're just going to take him back? After what he did?"

Brian sighed as he put a pack of crackers in front of Justin. He'd wanted to talk to Michael before he saw Justin, to ease some of his anger.

"I didn't walk back into his life," Justin said tightly, picking a cracker out of the pack. He didn't feel like eating, but he didn't want to be leaning over the toilet again.

"Like hell!"

"That's enough, Michael," Brian said firmly.

Michael looked at Brian and he could see the anger in his eyes. Michael always tried to watch out for him.

"Justin didn't come looking for me," he told him. "I found him."

Michael rolled his eyes and it put a scowl on Brian's face.

"Brian," Justin said softly. "Just let me go home."

Brian looked at the man hunched at the counter. "You need help," he pointed out.

Justin looked up at him, that stubborn glint in his eyes.

Brian just crossed his arms over his chest and looked at him.

"He needs to leave," Michael said harshly.

"Michael," Brian said looking at him. "You have no say in this."

"So I'm supposed to let him tear your heart out again?" Michael demanded.

Brian saw Justin finch, but the man didn't say anything. "Michael," he sighed.

"I don't think it's our place to tell Brian what he can do," Ben said carefully.

"Listen to your husband," Brian said filling a glass with water. He held it out to Justin, frowning at the way the man's hand shook as he took it, then gasped as Justin dropped the glass.

"Fuck," Justin gasped as the glass broke. His hand curled in towards his arm, quivering. Stupid hand.

"Good going," Michael said sarcastically. "You're still good at breaking things."

Everyone in the room knew Michael wasn't talking about the glass, but Brian just ignored the comment as he reached to clean up the glass.

Justin started gathering up the shards of glass without thinking even as his hand continued to quiver. He was so used to doing everything himself that he didn't think about letting Brian do it.

"Stop, Justin, your hand is shaking," Brian said, but Justin ignored him

"You're a bastard for being here," Michael said harshly and Justin knew he was speaking to him this time.

"Not my choice to be here," he muttered as he picked up a piece of glass. His hand suddenly curled in again, his fingers curling to his palm.

"Fuck," he exclaimed in pain as the piece of glass he held cut into the meaty part of his palm.

"Justin?" Brian asked.

Justin looked at his shaking hand, seeing the blood coming out of the cut. Blood, fuck.

"Justin," Brian said again and reached for him.

"Don't touch me," Justin yelled, jerking away, pressing his bleeding hand to his chest.

Brian pulled his hand back before touching him. He watched as Justin's eyes filled with tears then as he rushed to the bathroom, his head down.

Brian hated knowing he couldn't help Justin at the moment.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Michael asked with less anger.

"Because Justin needs help," Brian said honestly. "Or can't you tell that he's hurt?"

Michael crossed his arms over his chest and just stared at him.

Brian frowned when he didn't hear any sound from the bathroom and realized Justin would need help taking care of the cut. He looked at Ben where he stood near the couch. "Ben, would you help Justin?" He asked.

Ben looked at the man in surprise.

"You brought him here so _you_ can help him," Michael snapped. "Not Ben."

Brian just stared at Ben.

"Okay," Ben said slowly in confusion and turned away even as he heard Michael huff. His eyes landed on the coffee table as he turned and he paused in surprise. Several pill bottles sat on the table next to an empty bottle of water.

He cast a glance over his shoulder at Brian, but the man was staring at Michael. His shoulders dropped as he realized why Brian wanted him to help Justin.

He walked into the bathroom to find the young man standing in front of the sink, staring at it, his hand clutched to his chest.

"Let me," Ben said gently.

"Stay away from me," Justin said, jerking back.

Ben gave him a soft smile. "It's okay, Justin," he told him. "It's just me, let me help. You can't infect me, remember?"

Justin nodded slowly as the older man turned the water on. "How did you know?" He whispered.

"Brian knew you would accept my help but not his," Ben said, gesturing for Justin to put his bleeding hand under the water.

Justin winced as the water hit his hand, the piece of glass falling from his fingers. The blood on his hand fell into the bowl, turning the water pink. Justin stared at the blood, his infected blood.

Ben gently rubbed Justin's back, feeling what he assumed to be bindings across it. "It's hard," he said softly. "Being reminded that you have something that could hurt others."

Justin nodded, tears leaking from his eyes.

"It's not a bad cut," Ben said turning the water off, glad when the cut didn't start to bleed again.

"It's the least of my pains," Justin admitted with a sour huff.

Ben nodded, his eyes flicking to the bound arm and bruised cheek Justin had. "What happened?"

Justin finally looked up at Ben as he pointed to where Brian always kept a first aid kit. "I got hit by a car," he said.

Ben's eyes widened in surprise. "My God," he breathed. "Are you okay?" He knew it was a stupid question since the man was obviously well enough to be out of the hospital.

Justin nodded. "The worst of it now is several cracked ribs."

"Your arm?"

"Dislocated my shoulder. Doctor said I just need to keep it immobile for a little while."

Ben nodded and spread ointment on Justin's cut. "I'm glad you're not seriously hurt."

"I just wish the hospital hadn't called Brian."

Ben frowned. "Why?" He asked. "I know you left him, but why wouldn't you want him to help you?"

Justin raised a brow at the man. "I left him," he said firmly. "I don't want anything to do with him, I made that clear."

Ben put a bandage on Justin's hand and looked at him. "How long have you been positive?" He asked and knew the answer by the way Justin looked down. "You knew when you left."

Justin didn't answer, but Ben didn't need him to. "That's why you left," he said with surety. "You found out you were positive and you ran away." He gently touched the man's arm. "I understand, Justin."

Justin looked into his eyes, seeing that Ben was being honest.

Ben gave him a small smile. "I understand being scared of infecting those you love," he said softly. "I understand wanting to hide from them and from the truth."

Justin swallowed the lump in his throat. "I can't chance it," he whispered thickly.

"I understand," Ben said again, really feeling for him, having gone through the same thing. He gave him another small smile. "And I'm here if you need me."

Justin shook his head. "I'm only here for another day," he told him. "Then I'm leaving again."

"I understand why you want to hide," he said as he wet a cloth. "But you can't hide forever. Your family is here."

Justin shook his head a little. "I can't do it," he whispered.

Ben held the damp cloth out and Justin took it. "Why?" He asked. "Because you think they'll treat you different?"

Justin nodded as he wiped his face.

"They don't treat me or Hunter any different than they do anyone else."

"You came into the family positive," Justin pointed out. "I didn't. They would treat me different than before, pity me, be uncomfortable around me."

"Maybe for a little while," Ben said honestly. "But you know everyone loves you."

Justin raised a brow at him.

"Michael is protective of Brian and you know it," he said. "He'll calm down eventually." Ben smiled a little. "If there is one thing I learned about this family is that they take care of each other, love each other, no matter what, even when fighting."

Justin bit his lip and said to Ben what he wasn't sure he could tell anyone else. "I'm scared, Ben," he whispered, tears starting to fall again. "I'm scared of them knowing, of infecting them." He sniffled. "I'm scared of everything about this disease."

Ben did the only thing he could, he gently put his arms around the crying man. "I know," he whispered, knowing they were the only words he could give, the only truth.

Justin let Ben hold him, the first person to since he found out.

"You can't keep running away though," Ben said softly after a minute, pulling back.

Justin wiped his face with the cool cloth. "But I can't face anyone," he said quietly.

"Yes, you can," he said calmly.

Justin looked into the man's face and saw that Ben really believed he could. As much as he loved Brian, right now he could trust Ben's word more, because Ben understood what Justin was going through.

"Maybe," he whispered after a second.

Ben nodded. "Let's go back out."


	7. Forgiveness

Brian stared at Michael as the water turned on in the bathroom.

"Why, Brian?"

Brian sighed and finished cleaning the glass from the counter. "I couldn't just leave him," he said honestly.

"Why did he call you?" There was bitterness in his voice.

"He didn't, the hospital did," he told his friend. "I couldn't just leave him. He needs help right now."

"He's going to hurt you again."

"Maybe," Brian acknowledged. "But it's my choice, Mikey."

Michael crossed his arms over his chest and pressed his lips together in anger.

Brian sighed and grabbed two glasses. "I know what I'm getting into," he said and poured Jim Beam into the glasses.

"He really hurt you," Michael reminded him.

He nodded, handing Michael one of the glasses, hearing the murmur of Ben and Justin talking. "I know what he did, what he said. I also know that his cruel words were lies."

Michael huffed in disgust.

"I knew they were lies when he said them," he said honestly. "But I knew there was a reason he was saying them and leaving, I just didn't know what it was."

"And now that he came rushing back into your life you do?" Michael asked with an angry scowl before taking a drink.

"Actually, yes," he said honestly. "And I fully understand why he did."

"And you're just going to forgive him," Michael said sourly, already knowing. Brian seemed to be blind when it came to Justin.

"I did the moment I knew why he left," Brian told him then gave him a hard look. "And I don't plan on letting him leave again so you may as well get used to him being around again."

Michael growled in anger, but knew by the look in Brian's eyes, that Brian wasn't going to bend. Justin was back.

Brian swallowed down his drink, knowing things were going to be rough for a while.

Michael scowled as he leaned against bar, hating what just happened. He could hear Ben and Justin talking, but he couldn't hear any actual words. Why the hell was Ben in there anyway?

He watched as Brian paced around in the guise of tidying the kitchen. Brian looked tired and worried.

Michael watched, getting annoyed by how long Ben was taking, as Brian moved to his desk. He shook his head a little and looked around the loft.

He was just about to call out to Ben, fully upset that his husband was taking so long, when he saw something out of place. There were several bottles of medicine on the coffee table and it made Michael pause. Justin couldn't be hurt enough to need all of that.

The murmurs from the bathroom continued and Michael looked towards it even though he couldn't see it. He looked back to the bottles, his face starting to pale. Being HIV positive, Ben shouldn't be tending to someone's wounds. He might infect them.

Michael looked back towards the voices. Unless that person was already positive.

Michael dropped onto the stool next to him, his anger at Justin gone for the moment, replaced with horror. Was the kid positive?

Brian stopped fiddling with the papers on his desk when he heard Ben and Justin walk out of the bedroom. There something just a little different in Justin's posture and he knew the two men had talked and it had helped Justin a little.

"You ready, Michael?" Ben asked calmly, as if was any normal evening.

Michael looked at his husband for a second then to Justin, who was walking to the couch, his bandaged hand around his waist. The young blond didn't look anything like the annoying shit Michael had known. This man looked more like someone who'd lost everything

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," he said slowly to Brian.

Brian nodded and watched as the two men left, leaving him alone with Justin again.

"You need to eat then get some more sleep," he said firmly.

Justin looked up from where he now sat on the couch and just nodded. What he wanted was a couple of pain pills and sleep.

"How's your hand?" Brian asked a couple minutes later as he put a plate with a sandwich on it in Justin's lap.

"It's okay," Justin said looking at the sandwich then back to Brian. "Thanks for sending Ben in."

"I realized you couldn't clean it without your other hand."

"That's not why I appreciate Ben," he said picking the sandwich up.

"I know," Brian said and watched as Justin slowly ate. He sorely missed Justin, though he wouldn't admit it to anyone. Well, maybe to Justin.

Brian waited until Justin finished eating and took a couple pain pills before speaking again. "You know I'm not letting you go back to the shitty little apartment."

Justin stiffened and looked over at him. "You have no say in it," he said firmly, hating the commanding tone Brian used. "I'm leaving tomorrow just like we agreed."

He raised a brow casually. "You're going to walk out that door and away from your family again?" He asked, his voice hardening a little. He understood what Justin did, but it still hurt.

Justin took a deep breath. "Yes," he said, hating to.

Brian shook his head. "You're staying here, Justin," he told him. "You belong here, with me."

Justin stared at Brian, surprised by his words. That was the closest he'd heard Brian come to saying he loved him.

"You know I can't," he said softly.

"Why?" Brian demanded. "Because you're positive? That's not a good enough reason."

"I told you when I left why I was leaving," he said, unable to repeat the cruel words he'd spoken.

"I didn't believe it then and I certainly don't believe it now," Brian said calmly. "You left because you were sick and scared. You wanted to hide it from everyone, just like I did with the cancer."

Justin looked at him, unable to deny it.

Brian's expression softened a little. "You're staying, Sunshine," he said. "Here, with me."

Justin looked at him, the man he'd loved for the past four years. There was no pity in his eyes, just understanding and the love the man refused to admit.

Justin swallowed the lump in his throat as a tear slid down his cheek.

Brian went over and sat next to the blond, gently cupping his cheek. "You're not in this alone," he said softly. "We're partners, remember?"

"Were," Justin whispered brokenly.

"Are," Brian corrected then lightly pressed his lips to Justin's.

Justin moaned softly, unable to help it. This was Brian, he couldn't not react to him.

"We are partners," Brian said pulling back, looking into those blue eyes. "If I can admit it you can too. So, admit it."

"We can't," he protested.

"Why?" Brian asked. "Because you're worried about giving it to me?"

Justin nodded.

He nodded, understanding the thought. He would worry about Justin if he was the one who had it.

"I'm not going to let that stop us," he said firmly. "There are plenty of couples that are positive and negative. Look at Michael and Ben. If those two idiots can do it, I know we can, especially after all the practice we have at making us work."

Justin gave him a weak smile and nodded. Brian wanted him, even after everything. He wanted to make it work with Brian, even as he was scared to death of infecting him. He was right though, if Michael and Ben could do it, so could they.

He looked down after a second, unsure. Others did make it work, but he wasn't sure if he could do it, stay with Brian, take the chance, let Brian know all of his troubles. He wasn't the same Justin he'd been before being diagnosed positive.

Brian kissed him lightly again. "Let's get you into bed," he said and stood up.

Just a few minutes later Justin found himself back in the bed, but with Brian lying next to him, his hand resting on Justin's good shoulder.

"I missed you," Brian said softly as Justin closed his eyes.

"I love you too," Justin replied honestly.

"You know I don't believe in love, Sunshine," Brian whispered lightly.

Justin smiled faintly. "Just fucking, I know," he said easily.

Brian smiled and just laid there as Justin fell asleep.


	8. Breakfast

"How did it happen?" Brian asked carefully the next morning, watching Justin pile pills on the counter. He'd refused to let Brian help get the pills out of the bottles.

"I don't know," Justin said softly, refusing to look up as he looked at his pills. All the pills for being positive, an antidepressant, one for muscle spasms, and an allergy pill. "I just know the result from the test you had me take regularly came back positive. The only thing I can think of is that a condom broke and I never knew."

Brian nodded, not sure what to say. He hated knowing that Justin had gotten infected.

He was saved from saying anything by his phone ringing. "Yes?"

"Are you having breakfast with us?" Michael asked calmly.

"I don't know," he said honestly, looking at Justin. He looked well enough to be out, he just couldn't do some things for himself.

Michael was silent for a long second. "I hope you do," he finally said. "I know Ma would love to see you," he hesitated, "both of you."

Brian sighed, knowing Debbie would have to be faced. He didn't want Justin to run off again, but he knew the kid (damn, he wasn't a kid) wasn't looking forward to seeing everyone either.

"Bri," Michael said slowly. "I'm sorry, about last night."

"You should be," he said firmly, not giving Michael any leeway.

"I hate him for what he did to you," Michael said with a sigh. "But I'm sorry for what happened to him. I don't hate him so much that I would wish him actual harm."

"I know, Mikey," Brian said honestly then waited to see what else Michael wanted.

"I won't say anything," he said after a second. "About even seeing him."

"Bye, Mikey," he said and hung up. He looked at Justin who was just standing there, staring at the counter. "How are you feeling this morning? Pain?"

"Some," Justin admitted. "Not as much as I was expecting."

"Want to go to breakfast?" He asked, trying to sound casual.

Justin tensed at the thought of going to the diner, to seeing Deb and everyone else. "I…I don't think so," he stuttered, not looking up.

"Tough shit," Brian said. "Get dressed, I'm not letting you hide anymore."

"Brian," he protested.

"You're not running away and you're not going to hide," Brian said firmly. "So stop being fucking coward."

Justin stiffened at being a coward, just as Brian knew he would. Justin always hated to back down.

Brian smiled at him. "I'll help you change," he said easily.

Knowing he would have to face everyone if he was going to stay, he figured now was as good a time as any. He just hated that Brian made the choice of doing it now.

He let Brian help him get the scrubs from the hospital off, then remove the bindings from around his ribs, and get into the shower.

Brian pretended not to notice every time Justin winced as Brian helped him undress or as he gently washed the younger man's bruised body. His entire left side was one huge bruise as was his stomach and part of his back. His right side was bruised as well, but nowhere near like the left.

Brian hated seeing Justin so hurt.

Brian wrapped the other man's chest with the bandaging for his ribs, helped him dress, then put the sling on for his arm, hating every wince of pain on Justin's face.

"You know Debbie is going to give you hell," he said as they rode in the car towards the diner. He could easily read the tension in Justin. "After she smothers you."

Justin laughed once then winced. "Ow."

"They'll be happy to see you," he tried to assure him. When the hell did this happen? Brian Kinney trying to reassure someone about feelings.

"Right," Justin muttered sarcastically.

"Hey, the only one who's pissed at you is Michael," he said honestly. "The others like you too much to stay mad at you for running away."

Justin picked at the hem of his shirt with his hand. He had one of those large band-aids on to cover the cut. He had to make sure he covered every little cut, so scared it might start bleeding.

"Michael won't make a scene," Brian said after another moment. "He can be a royal ass sometime, hell we all can, but he won't have another fit about seeing you, not in public."

"You mean he won't make a scene because he knows and he pities me," Justin clarified. He'd figured that Michael would know, that he would have figured it out, or at least suspected after last night.

Brian sighed, knowing Justin was right.

"Brian?" Justin asked nervously. "Do you think Michael will say anything?"

Brian shook his head. "Michael won't tell anyone," he assured him then gave him a small smile. "And you don't have to right now. Today, just enjoy all the hugs and kisses and smacks Debbie gives you."

Justin couldn't help laughing a little, which made him wince in pain.

Justin grew more nervous as they climbed out of the car and walked for the door to the diner. He stopped in front of the door, seeing the familiar bustle inside. He could just see enough to know a few of the guys were inside and could tell Debbie was working.

"You better smile, Sunshine," Brian said lightly.

"I don't feel much like Sunshine," he said honestly as Brian grabbed the door handle.

"Fake it," Brian said with a grin.

Justin raised a brow at the older man and had to grin back. "Do you tell men that often?" He teased.

Brian laughed in amusement, glad Justin had taken the bait.

Justin was grinning and hadn't really paid attention to the fact that they had walked inside, it seemed so normal, that he didn't realize it until he heard the joyful call.

"Sunshine!"

Debbie was just putting glasses of water of the table for Michael, Ben, and Emmett when the bell on the door chimed, saying another customer walked in. She didn't bother turning to it until she Brian laugh, in real amusement. Brian rarely laughed like that anymore.

She turned towards the door then, having to know what made the man laugh like that.

His face was lit up in a way she hadn't seen in a long time, his mouth turned up in a grin as he looked at the person next to him.

Debbie inhaled sharply and she realized a blond stood next to Brian. Only one blond, ever, had been able to make Brian laugh like that.

Sure enough, the man with Brian turned his head a little, letting her actually see his face.

"Sunshine!" She said brightly, grinning like a fool. She'd given up on ever seeing the sweet boy again.

She hurried towards them, ready to pull Justin into a hug, but stopped short. "Jesus Christ, what happened?" She exclaimed.

Justin's left cheek was horribly bruised and his left arm was in a sling.

"Hi, Deb," Justin said slowly.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she gently cupped his right cheek. She felt tears fill her eyes. She was so glad to see him, to know he was still alive. She'd been so fucking worried when he'd disappeared.

"I'm okay," he said with a faint smile.

"Why don't you let him sit down, Deb," Brian suggested.

Debbie looked at him with a raised brow then nodded. She moved and watched as the two walked to the booth where Ben, Michael, and Emmett sat. Brian walked closely to the other man, as if worried he would fall.

"Hey, baby," Emmett said brightly as they got to the table.

Justin smiled and leaned close when Emmett moved to kiss his right cheek.

"Sit down," Brian said touching the small of his back.

Emmett moved over and Justin sat down next to him.

Justin looked hesitantly across the table at Michael and Ben. Ben gave him a kind smile while Michael stared at the table, his lips pressed together.

Brian stood next to the booth, right next to Justin. He could read the tension in the younger man, but Justin was doing his best not to show.

"So where the hell have you been?" Debbie demanded standing at the end of the table, her hands on her hips.

"West District," Justin said honestly, slowly.

"What were you doing there?" She asked.

"Living," he said calmly.

"Why did you leave though, baby?" Emmett asked kindly.

Justin shrugged his good shoulder. "I needed some time to myself, to figure some things out."

She glared at him and Justin tried not to shrink in on himself. "You take a couple days to figure things out," she said. "You don't up and disappear on everyone for a year and a half. You had us all worried."

Justin ducked his head and looked at the table. "I sent Mom an email that I was okay and to let you know," he said quietly.

"You still disappeared, Sunshine," she scolded. "Why?"

Justin bit his lip and refused to look up.

Brian gently placed his hand on Justin's shoulder. "Deb, interrogate him later," he said. "Feed him now."

Debbie rolled her eyes and looked at the others at the table. Emmett was smiling brightly at Justin, looking happy that he was back. She looked at Michael and was surprised to realize her son hadn't said anything, hadn't thrown any kind of fit about Justin being around.

"I'll get you something to eat, Sunshine," she said slowly.

"Pancakes?" He asked looking up at the woman he'd always considered a second mother.

She nodded with a smile.

"Justin," Michael said slowly, making Debbie stop walking away. His voice wasn't dripping with anger, though it was there.

Justin made himself look at Michael and found his filled with pity.

"I hate what you did, leaving Brian like you did," he said. "Running away like a pussy shit."

Justin tensed and glared at the man. "You don't know shit about why I left."

Michael looked right back at him, knowledge in those eyes. "I know why you ran away," he said firmly, making everyone look at him. "And it was stupid," he hesitated and some of the anger left his face, "and unnecessary."

Justin looked at him surprise. He knew that Michael knew he was positive, but he wasn't expecting the man to show him any kind of understanding.

Michael looked at him for a long moment as everyone around them seemed to hold their breath. "I still hate you for hurting Brian."

Justin nodded. "I hate myself too," he said honestly.

The table was silent as Debbie walked away.

Justin tried not to fidget. He'd missed being around the 'family', but it was hard after all this time. He'd spent the last year and a half alone.

"So what have you been up to?" Emmett asked brightly.

Justin talked about the job he had at a small corner store. It was about the only thing he could talk about. He smiled as everyone else talked, though Michael said little. Justin really did understand why Michael was upset with him so he couldn't blame the man.

Brian managed to sit on the edge of the booth next to Justin as they ate. He listened with a faint smile as the men talked. Michael said very little, but then Brian didn't say much either. He was just happy to have Justin close and smiling. The only thing that took his smile away as they all ate was the way Justin's right hand shook at odd moments. It was clear the man still had trouble with it.

"I assume you're going to Brian's?" Debbie asked Justin as she handed Brian the ticket for their breakfast.

"Yes," Brian answered before Justin could, which made the younger man grit his teeth for a second.

"Expect company later then," she said firmly and walked away.

Brian sighed then smiled at his friends. "We'll see you guys later," he said as Justin carefully got out of the booth. They'd explained about the accident and how it brought Justin back to them.

"You take good care of him," Emmett said giving Brian a firm look.

Brian rolled his eyes. Emmett telling him what to do.

Justin smiled faintly as Ben as he got up. "Later," he said to the man. He would be talking to Ben again soon, the man had given him is number and the address to the house he and Michael had bought. He had so much he wanted to talk about, to ask.

"And Debbie didn't even smack you," Brian said lightly as they got back into the car.

"She will," Justin said with a smile. It had been a long time since he's smiled. He'd been smiling a lot in the last hour. "She's just waiting."

Brian nodded in agreement. "We're going to see about your apartment," he told him. "And you're going to quit your job. You need something closer to home."

Justin opened his mouth to protest then closed it. Brian was right, he needed work close to Liberty Avenue, home.

**I know the explanation of how Justin became positive is vague and that many of you may not be happy not knowing exactly how. But Justin doesn't know either.**


	9. Mothers

"Why don't you invite your mom over for dinner?" Brian suggested as he put the duffle bag on the couch. They'd gone to Justin's apartment and he'd packed another bag for the younger man. They would get what little was left later.

"To eat what?" Justin asked lightly as he took a pain pill.

"I'll order something," he said with a smile.

"Why don't you get a little rest," Brian suggested when Justin got off the phone. "I'm sure that pill will be making you tired soon."

Justin nodded. He was already tired and aching.

Brian watched as Justin got into bed, glad the man was back. He hated knowing his Justin was hurt and sick, but he was so glad to have him back.

Jennifer arrived for dinner and proceeded to cry in joy to see her son. "I was so worried," she said, holding him as carefully as she could.

"I'm okay, Mom," he kept saying until she calmly down.

Dinner was a little tense in Justin's opinion as he shared what he could with him mom. He knew he had to tell her, had to tell all of his close friends, but he was so nervous to.

So it wasn't until they were sitting around the coffee table that he shared his secret.

"Mom," he said taking a deep breath. "About why I left."

She looked at him expectantly. She'd known there was more to it when he said he needed to make it on his own. He was going to explain it now, she knew it.

"I left because I was scared of everyone knowing I'm sick."

Jennifer stilled, looking at her son, worried. "Sick?" She asked softly. "Why would you worry about being sick? Why would you leave because you're sick?"

Justin took another deep breath. "Mom, I'm positive."

She stared at him for a long minute before fully understanding what he was saying. "Justin," she whispered. "You're…"

"HIV," he said with a nod.

Brian took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Jennifer stared at her son in shock and horror. "Oh, baby," she breathed.

Justin dropped his eyes, hating the look in his mother's.

"Justin," she said softly and joined the two men on the couch.

"I'm fine," Justin said tensely. He didn't want to be pitied.

"Are you sure?" She asked taking her hand from around him to touch his cheek. "Do you need anything? Can I do anything?"

Justin stood up and walked away from them both. "No," he snapped. "I don't need you to do anything. I don't need anyone to do anything. I'm fine."

"Honey," Jennifer said standing up. "I just want to help."

"I don't need help!" He yelled and Brian stood up, worried. "I've taken care of myself all this time."

"And you're thin as a rail," Debbie joked as she pulled the loft door fully open so she could enter.

Brian opened his mouth to warn the woman about the tantrum Justin was having, but the younger man spoke first.

"So what?" Justin said loudly, surprising the woman.

"It's not healthy to be so skinny," she said with a frown. Brian and Jennifer winced, knowing that would push Justin farther.

"Healthy?!" Justin laughed sarcastically. "Who cares if being skinny is healthy? I'm already dying."

Debbie froze at the outburst, at the anger.

"You're not dying," Brian said firmly and those blue eyes turned to him. There was something desperate in those eyes, panicked.

"Don't say that, honey," Jennifer pleaded tearfully. She hadn't seen one of Justin's breakdowns is years.

"Why?" Justin demanded as his right shook and curled in on itself. "It's true."

"What's going on?" Debbie asked slowly, looking from a shaking Justin to Brian and Jennifer. Their faces showed their worry and even a little fear.

"What's going on," Justin said as he snatched up the duffle bag that was still on the barstool. "Is that I'm going home."

"No," Brian said quickly and knew instantly it was the wrong thing to say. Justin never took direction well during a meltdown.

"Fuck you," Justin snapped as he struggled with the zipper of the bag with his shaking hand. He couldn't stay here, couldn't stay around everyone.

"Justin," Jennifer said softly, watching as her son swept all the pill bottles from the counter into his bag.

"Just leave me alone," he implored, fighting not to cry. He couldn't do this. He shouldn't have let Brian bring him back here.

Debbie didn't know what to say as she stood there. She'd never seen Sunshine act like this before.

"Don't run away again," Jennifer begged as she walked for her son.

"I'll do whatever I want!" He yelled.

"What's wrong?" Debbie demanded, grabbing Justin's right arm as he tried to walk past her.

Justin looked at her, his eyes filled with anger, pain, and even fear. He jerked his arm away and shook his head.

"Justin," Brian said gently when the man reached the door.

Justin shook his head over and over, feeling a massive headache coming. He knew better than to allow himself to get so upset, but he just couldn't seem to stop it.

He hurried out of the loft and made his way down the stairs, ignoring the pain of his ribs and the pain in his chest.

He had to get away, get back to the apartment where he could be safe from everyone and their pity.

"What the hell just happened?" Debbie demanded after a long minute of silence in the loft.

Brian sighed. "Justin just flipped out," he said, trying to sound calm. He wanted to run out after Justin, but knew it would just make it worse at the moment. He'd dealt with many panic attacks and breakdowns and he knew he had to give Justin a little time before he went after him.

"I've never seen him go off quite like that," Jennifer said softly, staring at the open doorway.

"That's because it wasn't the same as before," Brian said walking to the kitchen. He needed a drink. "That wasn't just a panic attack."

"Why would he be panicking?" Debbie asked, watching as Brian pulled down three glasses and poured Jim Beam into each.

"Stress, fear," Brian said and handed each woman a drink. "Anger."

Jennifer frowned at the man.

He took a drink then sighed. "He's still on the med for his anxiety," he told them. "But he's also on a strong antidepressant."

"What?" Both women asked.

"He's on a strong antidepressant," he repeated.

"He's depressed?" Debbie asked with a frown.

"Apparently," he said and took another drink. "But depression isn't just about moping about crying. It's also about mood swings that include fear and anger."

Jennifer took a drink. She normally wouldn't drink because she was upset, but she just needed it at the moment. Her baby was sick, was HIV positive.

"Brian," Debbie said firmly. "What is going on? Why was Sunshine so upset?"

Brian stared at the woman he'd basically considered his mother, unsure if he should say anything.

"He's positive," Jennifer cried, taking the choice away from.

He watched as what the woman said hit Debbie. He watched her face pale then as tears stared to spill out of her eyes.

He tipped back his glass and finished it off. He didn't want to be here for this, was glad Justin wasn't. He knew this is one of the things the man wanted to avoid.

"Thanks for passing on the news," Brian said bitterly. "Did you even think that Justin didn't want the world to know?"

Both women looked at him in surprise.

"We're not the world," Debbie snapped. "Why shouldn't Jen tell me, we're family?"

"Maybe because Justin didn't want anyone to know?" He suggested harshly. ""That maybe he left the family so that we wouldn't pity him?"

They both continued to stare at him in surprise.

"So maybe you two can respect his wish keep this to yourselves?" He suggested pointedly.

They both nodded slowly.

"Good," he said pouring himself another glass. "Now go away so I can figure out how I'm going to talk him into rejoining the family." He hoped it would be easy to get Justin to come back once he calmed down.


	10. Alone Again

**I'm sorry this chapter is so short. The next will be much longer**

Justin sat in the middle of his bed, his arms wrapped around himself. He wasn't wearing the sling, able to move his shoulder now, though it did still hurt a little.

It wasn't his shoulder that had silent tears on his cheek.

He'd just gotten home from his early morning appointment at the clinic. The results from his latest blood work came back. They weren't good results.

He sniffled and wiped the tears away in anger. He hated being weak, hated all the tears he'd cried since becoming positive.

He stood up and started to pace around his tiny apartment. After fifteen minutes he scooped his pills into his old messenger bag, in case he ended up out late (he'd done that before). He couldn't stay in this small space. He needed air, to move.

He left the apartment and started walking down the street.

He hated this, this life he had now. There was nothing good anymore. He woke up every morning and was reminded that he was infected. Some mornings he had a few minutes where he thought he was back in his old life. Then reality would crash around him.

He held his right hand around his ribs as he walked. He didn't pay attention to where he was going other than to look up as he crossed streets. Lesson learned there.

He carefully shifted the bag on his shoulder. He wished the hospital hadn't called Brian. He wish Brian hadn't taken him back to the loft, hadn't taken him around the others. It was going to be so hard to be alone again.

Justin had always been a social person, a happy person. He hadn't been that person since that day in the clinic.

He looked at his shoes as he kicked an empty soda can.

Now he was alone, because he was scared. He was scared of so much anymore.

He knew he'd been walking a long time before took any notice of where he was and what time it was. It was early evening and he wasn't far from PIFA.

He looked around with a frown, curious why this was where his feet had led him.

He leaned against the side of a building, not sure what to do. He didn't want to go back to the apartment. In all honestly, he didn't want to be alone, especially right now. He hated being alone, had hated every minute of it.

He didn't want to go back to Brian's. He certainly didn't want to go to his mom's or Deb's.

He sighed. He was alone because he couldn't face his family. They would just pity him, wouldn't understand who he was now, what he was now.

He paused at that thought. The family wouldn't understand what he was going through, except for one person.

He dug into his pocket and found the paper Ben had written his address and phone number on. He couldn't call the man, didn't have any change, so he started walking.

He could talk to Ben. Ben would understand. Then Justin could return to his apartment and his lonely life.

He started down the street again, just hoping Michael wouldn't be home.


	11. Surprised

"Why is it always at dinner time that the phone rings or someone knocks on the door?" Michael asked lightly.

Ben smiled as he placed the bowl of salad on the table. "Want me to get it?"

"I got it," Michael said easily and went for the front door.

He opened the door, expecting to see a neighbor or a salesman. He didn't expect to find Justin standing on his porch, looking like a lost kid.

"I'm sorry," Justin whispered after a long moment of silence. "I…I shouldn't be here." He turned away and started down the steps. It had been stupid to come here. Michael wouldn't want him in his house.

"Wait," Michael said before the blond could get off the steps. The young man looked in need.

Justin turned back slowly, cautiously.

"Are you hungry?" Michael asked. He couldn't just let him walk away, not when he knew he'd come to talk to Ben. "We were just sitting down to dinner."

"I don't want to impose," he said softly.

Michael smiled a little. "Come have some dinner," he said. "I promise not to hate you while we eat."

Justin looked at the older man, surprised to find him smiling a little in amusement. "If you're sure."

"Get in here," he said and moved out of the doorway.

Ben looked up in surprise when Michael walked into the little dining room with Justin behind him. "Hey," he said with a smile.

"Hi," Justin said softly and Ben knew there was something wrong.

"We have enough for one more, right?" Michael asked lightly.

Ben looked at his husband in surprise. There seemed to be no anger in the man's face. "Of course."

Justin sat at the table feel a little uncomfortable while they started to eat.

"Brian said you ran off list night," Michael said after several minutes, not sure what to say.

Justin tensed and looked at him, expecting the familiar anger, but there was none. "I was upset," he admitted. "I didn't mean for it to hurt him."

"He's worried, not hurt," Michael assured him. "Mom is too."

Justin sighed. "I didn't mean to worry them," he said honestly. "I just couldn't stay."

"It's okay," Ben said gently. "I'm sure it was overwhelming."

Justin snorted. "Understatement," he muttered.

"What happened?" Michael asked then quickly added. "You don't have to answer that."

Justin shrugged. "Mom."

"Enough said," Ben laughed.

Justin nodded and looked at his plate, surprised to find he'd eaten most of it. "Then Deb showed up and I panicked," he admitted.

"You still have those attacks?" Michael asked, surprised.

He nodded.

"What happened today?" Ben asked after a few more minutes.

"What do you mean?" Justin asked slowly.

Ben looked at him with a raised brow.

"Why don't you two go to the living room and I'll clean up," Michael suggested, knowing the younger man was here to talk to Ben.

"Come on, Justin," Ben said lightly.

Justin stood up and met Michael's eyes. There was no anger or hate in them, just understanding, and some pity. "Thanks," he said softly.

Michael gave him a sad smile and Justin followed Ben out of the room.

Justin settled onto the couch next to Ben and bit his lip.

"Justin?" Ben asked gently.

Justin looked up, his eyes filled with fear and pain. "I got the results from my last blood work."

Ben tensed, knowing it hadn't been good news. "Not good?" He said softly.

He shook his head and sniffled, determined not to cry. "My T-cell count went down."

"What is it?"

"Just under five hundred."

"You're marked as stage two," Ben stated sadly.

Justin nodded and had to rub his eyes when tears started to fall anyway.

Ben wrapped his arms around him, careful of his shoulder. "It's okay," he said softly. "That's not too bad a count. You can get it back up."

Justin pulled back enough to look into Ben's brown eyes. "The doctor said the meds…"

"Will help," Ben finished. "But there is more you can do. My count was down much lower than that before. It takes work, but you can get it back up. You can keep yourself healthy."

Justin raised a brow at the man.

He smiled a little. "As healthy as possible," he corrected.

Justin pulled out of the man's embrace, but didn't move away from him. "Thanks, Ben," he said with a grateful smile.

"I didn't do anything," Ben pointed out.

"You listened to me," Justin told him as he wiped the remaining tears off his cheeks. "I just didn't want to be alone right now."

Ben opened his mouth to ask why the man hadn't gone to Brian, then closed it.

Justin nodded as if reading his mind. "Brian wouldn't quite understand."

"Because he doesn't have it."

He nodded again, flexing his right hand. It was starting to hurt.

"Can I come in?" Michael asked from the doorway.

Ben looked at Justin with a raised brow, letting it be his choice.

Justin nodded.

Michael smiled and walked into the room with three beers. He set one on the coffee table and held the other two out. "Something tells me you could use it," he said to Justin with an understanding smile.

"Thanks," Justin said taking the cold bottle. He watched Michael sit in the recliner, unsure what to say to the man.

"Eating right will help," Ben said drawing Justin's attention back to him.

"Not always an easy task," he admitted. "I don't have the appetite I used to."

"Really?" Ben laughed in surprise. "I can't imagine that."

"The doctor thinks some of it is from the meds and some from life," he said without looking at the man.

"Life?" Ben asked curiously.

"It's hard to have the desire to eat when you hardly have the desire to get out of bed," he whispered to his beer.

Ben and Michael looked at the young man in surprise.

"Have you talked to the doctor about this?" Ben asked after a minute.

Justin nodded. "I'm on meds for that too," he said bitterly. "I'm taking so many fucking pills it isn't funny."

Ben didn't know what to say so he tapped his beer against Justin's and gave him a knowing smile. Both men took a drink.

"Are they changing anything?" Ben asked after a minute.

Justin shook his head. "He wants me to stay with these for a little while longer then take another test."

"You've recently changed out."

He nodded.

Michael grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. He watched an old Spiderman movie while the two men talked about being positive. It reminded Michael of evening of Ben and Hunter talking.

He glanced over at them often. Justin slowly went from hunched in on himself to sitting up and even smiling a little. Michael actually smiled. Justin had looked so beaten and lost when he showed up.

He looked at the two for a minute.

He really wanted to keep hating the younger man for hurting Brian, but looking at him now, he just couldn't. Justin hurt Brian and himself by leaving, to protect Brian. The man had left because he was scared of infecting the older man.

He felt for Justin, he really did. He understood what he would be going through, at least up to a point. Michael might not be positive, but he lived in a house with two men who were so he understood a lot.

He could understand why Justin left Brian and the family.

"What?"

Michael blinked and realized both men were looking at him questioningly. "Sorry, I was thinking," he said honestly.

Justin looked down, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Michael," he said softly. "I didn't mean to come in and take your husband's attention away, especially since you actually had an evening to yourselves."

Michael smiled a little. "It's okay," he assured him. "Ben is the best person for you to talk to."

Justin frowned at the other man's kind words. "I thought you hated me."

He laughed once. "I do, I did." He blew out his breath and started again. "We've never been that great of friends except when it came to Rage."

Justin nodded. There had always been tension between them.

"And I do hate how you hurt Brian."

He nodded again.

Michael stared right into the man's blue eyes. "But knowing the truth changes how I see things."

"You mean because you feel sorry for me," Justin corrected bitterly.

Michael shook his head. "I do feel sorry for you because no one deserves this," he said firmly. "But that's not why I want to put it all behind us. We have all changed and I think that means the two of us should change towards each other too."

"Truce?" Justin asked with a frown.

Michael shook his head and leaned over towards the man. He held his hand out. "Hi, I'm Michael," he said with a smile.

Justin looked at him for a long second then smiled. He took the man's hand and shook it. "I'm Justin."

Michael laughed once. "It's nice to meet you," he said then gave the blond a serious look. "Hurt my friend and I will hate you."

"I'll do my best not to," he said honestly.

Michael eyed him for a moment, reading honestly in his eyes. Maybe it really was time to give Justin an honest chance at friendship.

"Are you two going to kiss to make up?" Ben asked lightly after a minute, trying to hide his surprise and pleasure at his husband's gesture. He'd always hated the way he treated the younger man.

Both men laughed.

"Oh, I hate him too much for that," Michael laughed.

Justin smiled at him, easily hearing the tease in the words. Maybe it really was time to try and make a real friendship with the man, or at least something close to it.

They watched another movie and it was mostly comfortable. Justin had always known Michael was cool when he wasn't being a jerk.

"I guess I should go," he finally said and stood up. "Thanks for this evening. It was nice." It was and Justin was glad he'd thought to keep his meds close. He'd been able to take them when it was time without ruining the unexpected evening.

Ben smiled at the man. "Are you going to Brian's?" He asked. "One of us can take you."

"I'm not," Justin said tensely.

"Why not?" Michael asked with a frown. "Brian said you were staying with him."

"And just because he said something means I have to do it," Justin bit out.

Michael looked at the man in surprise.

Justin blew out his breath. "I'm sorry, Michael," he said. "I'm just-"

"Irritated with Brian?" He provided.

Justin sighed and nodded.

"He can be irritating," he agreed. "What's wrong though? It's only been two days."

"What's wrong is that I don't need someone dictating my life," he said honestly.

"What are you talking about?" Ben asked gently pulling the man's hand to have him sit back down.

Justin ran his right hand through his hair. "It's just that I've had no say in anything since I woke up at the hospital to find Brian there," he admitted. "Brian decided he was going to drive me home, then that I was staying with him. He basically ignored my opinion everything. He's stepped in and started controlling my life."

"Why are you letting him?" Ben asked.

"Brian is hard to refuse once he decides something," Michael explained and looked at Justin. "You really do need to tell him though. You let him make most of the decisions before."

Justin nodded. "I know that, but things are different now. I've learned to be fully independent, to run my own life," he said. "I can't just let someone come in and take that away from me. No matter how much I love him."

"You need to tell him that," Ben stated.

Justin nodded.

"Are you going to stay?" Ben asked. "Or are you leaving everyone again?"

He bit his lip for a long minute and the other men allowed him to think. "I'm going to stay," he finally said. He was so tired of being alone. "I just hope I can make it work here."

"Of course you can," Ben said with a smile. "You have family and that's what is important." He gently squeezed Justin's arm. "It may take time for them to come to grips with everything, but they will."

Justin sighed and leaned back into the couch. The pain pill was finally working so the pain in his rib the move caused was dulled.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Ben," he admitted.

"Are you going to stay with Brian?" He asked simply.

Did he want to stay with Brian? He wanted to be with Brian, he loved him. He just wasn't the same as he had been when he left. Brian didn't know that yet.

He shook his head. "I can't," he sighed. "At least not right now. I need to figure out what I'm doing here first. He has to realize I've changed before either of us can honestly think about that."

"Very grown up," Ben observed with a raised brow and a smile.

"Had to grow up sometime," he said with a faint smile.

"Where are you going to stay then?" Michael asked calmly. "Mom will let you stay with her."

Justin visibly shuddered. "I love Deb, but there is no way I can stay with her," he said honestly. "Same goes for my mom. I'd be better off at Brian's."

Michael nodded. "Stay here," he said, surprising the other two men.

"What?" Justin managed after a second.

"You can stay with us for now," he said then looked at his husband. "If that's okay."

Ben smiled brightly, so happy with Michael's change of heart and his kindness. "I think that is a perfect idea," he said honestly.

"I don't know," Justin said slowly to Michael. "Do you think it's a good idea?"

"I think is a great idea," he said honestly. "We may have to work some things out between the two of us, but staying here will be good for you."

"No pitying or babying," Ben pointed out.

"Understanding and acceptance," Michael added. "I may not be positive, but I understand better than anyone else in the family."

Justin looked at the man, so surprised. Michael was constantly surprising him since he walked in the door.

He looked between the two men, seeing that they really meant it. They would let him stay here, and they weren't treating him like he was sick.

"I don't have any money to give you," he admitted softly.

"You don't have to," Ben said. "Family looks out for each other."

Michael smiled a little. "And you are family, especially to us now."

Justin frowned.

"We're related," Ben said with a gentle smile. "Me, you, and Hunter."

"By the disease?" Justin said bitterly.

"No," Ben said. "By blood."

Justin stared at Ben for a long minute, seeing he really meant that. He reached out and threw his arms around the man, not caring if it brought a sting of pain to his shoulder. He pressed his face into the man's shoulder and surprised himself by crying. Real acceptance.

Ben held the smaller man to his chest, surprised by his action. He held him though, rubbing his back as he cried softly.

Michael watched the two and was glad he put his past feeling aside. This was a different Justin, and Michael felt as if he already knew him better than the old Justin. He understood certain things in this man's life and knew how hard it was all going to be for him. Justin needed people who could understand and help him.

"Why don't you get some sleep," Ben suggested to Justin when he finally stopped his silent tears and pulled away. "It's been a hard day for you."

Justin wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt. "I don't know how to thank you," he said honestly.

"How about helping in the kitchen until we can work out rent or find your own place?" Michael asked lightly and was rewarded with a real smile from the man.

"I can certainly do that," he said standing up.

"Everything will work out," Ben told him. "It might take time, but it will."

Justin nodded, wanting to believe him.

"We'll start tomorrow by getting you settled in here."

"Thank you," Justin said softly.

"The door to the guest room is open," Michael told him.

"Thank you, Michael," he said looking into the man's eyes, letting him know how much the entire evening meant to him.

"Friends, family, enemies," he said lightly. "We're all three, but then all good families are."

Justin laughed once then yawned. "Especially this crazy one."

Michael laughed as the man made his way upstairs.

"You really surprised me tonight, Michael," Ben said honestly.

Michael looked at his husband and smiled. "Like I told him, I want to put old feelings aside and start fresh. He's changed, I've changed. As much as I want to hate him for what he did," he looked down for a second then back to his husband, "I understand why he did it and I can't hate him for that."

"It was kind of you to offer him a place to stay."

"Justin needs to be somewhere that he's understood," he said honestly. "Here, we can all help him."

"It sounds like you're going to be a good friend."

Michael smiled, hoping the man was right.

**In so many stories I read Michael is cast in a more negative light. I wanted him to be more grown up now. To me it made perfect sense for him to accept Justin now, to want to help him. It was not a sudden change of heart for him. I'm not sure if I got it across that he was letting go of some of his anger as he understood what happened to Justin.**


	12. A New Day

Justin woke up and frowned for a minute, trying to remember where he was and why he wasn't home in Brian's bed.

He sat up slowly then fell back, tears spilling out of his eyes, as he remembered. Of course he wasn't at Brian's. He didn't live with Brian anymore. He left because he was sick.

He rolled over and buried his face in the pillow. He was sick, infected.

He stayed in the bed for several minutes before rising and pulling his clothes back on. He had to get up and start a new day.

Hearing movement downstairs, he thought maybe he would start more than a new day. He was back with the family and maybe he could make a life with them. He knew it would be hard, to be around them, to live with people again, but maybe Ben was right and he could do it.

Someone knocked on the closed door. "Ben says it's time to get up."

Justin couldn't help but smile at Hunter's voice. He sounded just like a teenager who didn't want to be up yet.

Justin walked out of the room and went downstairs.

The three men were in the living room, dressed and seemingly ready to leave the house.

"We're going to Sunday breakfast," Michael announced.

"You guys still do that?"

"Of course," Michael laughed.

"Why don't you take your medicine and come with us," Ben suggested.

Justin bit his lip, but nodded. He had to face Debbie and apologize for snapping at her. He just really hoped she wouldn't let his secret out, even by accident. He wasn't ready for everyone to know. He would have kept it entirely to himself if he'd been able to.

Ben followed Justin into the kitchen and got him a glass of water while he piled pills on the table. "That's more than you should be on," he said with a frown.

Justin looked at him as he scooped the pills into his hand. He used to have trouble taking more than two pills at a time, but he'd learned to do this all at once.

"I'm on three other kinds of meds," he explained. "Plus a pain pill for my ribs and headache."

"Mind if I ask what the extra pills are for?" Ben asked slowly.

Justin looked at the collection in his hand. "Allergies, the anxiety I still have trouble with from the bashing, and an antidepressant," he said quietly.

"Well, hopefully we can help with the depression," Ben said after a minute, not knowing what else to say.

"Maybe," Justin said, not sure if he believed that.

"Let's go get some breakfast," Ben said lightly, carefully putting his arm around Justin's shoulders in moral support.

Brian leaned back in the booth at the diner, frustrated. He'd spent most of yesterday trying to figure out where Justin was. He'd gone by his apartment several times. He'd gone to the little store he said he'd worked at and was told Justin now longer worked there. He'd checked the hospital. He, Debbie, and Jennifer had been in constant contact. No one knew where to look for the lost boy.

As much as he hated to admit it, maybe Justin just didn't want to be found again.

"I can't believe he just left again," Emmitt said, for the hundredth time since yesterday morning.

"He left for a reason," Ted pointed out. "He was only back because Brian brought him here."

"At least we now know that he's alive," Debbie said with a sad smile.

Brian nodded in agreement, though he had no plans on giving up finding the young man, at least not now. He didn't want Justin to disappear again.

The bell on the door chimed and Brian looked towards it since he was already facing that way.

"Morning, boys," Debbie said to Michal as he walked in with his family. Her smile grew when she spot who walked behind Hunter. "Sunshine."

Brian stood up quickly, relieved. He quickly schooled his expression to hide just how relieved he was as the group walked for them all.

"Morning, Ma," Michael said, but she only had eyes for Justin, who was hanging behind the other men.

"Hi," Justin said slowly as Michael, Ben, and Hunter slid in the empty booth next to the one the rest of the family occupied. Hunter, being a normal teenager, pulled out his Gameboy and proceeded to ignore everyone.

"Why did you take off like that?" Debbie demanded.

"I went home," he said, trying to sound calm.

"You ran out after yelling at us."

Justin shifted on his feet a little. He didn't want to do this, especially in a diner full of people.

"Deb, lay off him," Brian said and looked at the smaller man. "Sit down and eat."

Justin stiffened a little. He knew it was meant to be a nice remark, but at the moment it didn't feel like one.

"Can we get some coffee, Deb?" Ben asked lightly.

Justin looked to the man, surprised to find that he sat on a bench alone, Michael and Hunter on the other side of the table. He smiled at the look on the older man's face and sat down next to him.

Brian tried not to show how much that simple act hurt, that Justin chose Ben over him.

Debbie raised a brow at the table then went for their coffee.

"Brian said you ran away again," Emmitt said as Brian sat back down.

Justin looked that the feminine man who was turned around in his booth. "I went back to my apartment," he stated.

"You weren't there yesterday," Brian said calmly, questioning.

"Damn, Brian," he said in a huff. "I don't stay home every minute. I do have things to do every now and then."

Brian leaned back and just looked at him. He wasn't sure what to say without being nasty about him taking off like he had.

There was an awkward silence between the two tables for a long minute before Debbi arrived with coffee.

"Are you at least going to stay in touch with us now?" Debbie asked pointedly as she set his coffee in front of him.

Justin nodded. "I'm moving back to the area," he told her slowly.

She beamed. "Well, I still have an extra room is you need it," she offered even though she knew he would stay with Brian.

"That's not necessary," Brian said calmly and took a drink of his coffee.

"Thanks, Deb," Justin said with a small smile. "But I already found a place to rent for now." He wanted to sound much more sure about what was going on in his life, didn't want anyone else to know how unstable it really was.

"What?" Brian asked in surprise.

"I have somewhere to stay until I can find a new apartment," he said slowly. "I just need to find a job now."

"You can always come back here," Debbie said with a smile, not missing the tension in Justin as he looked at Brian.

"I might take you up on that," he said honestly. "I need something quick."

"Oh," Michael said suddenly. "I forgot to tell you. You have money from Rage."

Justin looked at him in surprise. "Really?" He asked. "But I haven't done any work on it."

"Neither have I really," Michael admitted. "I haven't been able to find a good enough artist, but the issues are still selling. I have your share of it all set aside."

"Oh, thank you," he breathed in relief. He wasn't completely broke. "It was nice of you to save it."

"Brian made me," Michael said honestly. "He thought it only fair in case you showed back up."

"At least that means I have a little," he said.

"You two might even be able to work on it again," Emmitt said brightly.

Everyone looked between the two men to see how civil they were going to be. Brian knew there didn't seem to be as much tension between the two, but then he hadn't always been able to see it.

"Think we can work together?" Michael asked, trying to sound cold.

Justin looked at him and felt a tiny smile form on his lips. "If we have to," he said calmly.

"So glad you two can be civil," Brian said with a raised brow. He was glad Michael seemed to have calmed down, but he wished Justin was sitting with him instead of the Novotny-Bruckner family.

Michael rolled his eyes where his friend couldn't see. "I only hate him when I'm near him," he said giving Justin a tiny smile.

"Michael," Debbie chided as she served Brian's booth their food.

"It's okay, Deb," Justin said easily. "It's mutual."

Ben chuckled, unable to help it. He knew there was still a little tension between the two men, but it was clear that they were okay with each other, and willing to joke. He was so glad Michael had calmed down and accepted Justin.

"Where are you staying?" Brian asked calmly, refusing to show how much it irritated him that Justin wasn't staying with him.

Justin bit his lip as Debbie put food on their table. "With Ben and Michael," he said after a second.

"What?" Emmitt and Ted asked together.

Brian just looked at the blond in surprise. He could understand him wanting to be around Ben, to talk to him, but to stay in Michael's house?

"Are you kidding us, Sunshine?" Debbie asked.

"No."

"What's wrong with him staying with us?" Ben asked, knowing the reason for their surprise. "We have an extra room."

"Maybe because of Michael?" Ted suggested slowly.

Michael turned in his set enough to look at the man. "I'm not that much of an ass that you think I would turn him out am I?"

The three men in the booth next to his just looked at him.

"You do really hate him," Emmitt said slowly.

"I think it's nice of you to put your anger aside to help Sunshine," Debbie said with a proud smile.

"Well, the little shit is family," Michael grumbled good-naturedly. "Even if I didn't want him to join it."

Debbie smiled at her son and went to pick up her next order. She knew why Justin was really staying with them, with Ben. It was good of them to take the boy in, to help him.

The odd family of gay men (and one straight teenager) ate their breakfast, talking easily. If felt nice to Justin, having breakfast with the family. Maybe coming home wasn't going to be as hard as he thought.

"So you want to get your things today?" Ben asked as they finished eating.

Justin nodded. "I need to talk to my landlord and my boss," he told him.

"I'll take you," Brian offered.

Justin raised a brow at the man. "I know I don't have much, but I doubt it will fit in your car."

"I bought another jeep," he said easily. "We can get it and go collect your things."

Justin nodded after a second. "Thanks."

Brian studied the younger man's face for a long moment, reading the tension and uncertainty in it. There was something bothering his twink.

"I've got to go to the grocery store," Ben said to Justin as he paid for their breakfast. "But I'll be home after that."

Justin gave him a little smile. "Thanks, Ben," he said softly.

Ben smiled back at him.


	13. Time With Brian

Brian didn't say anything as he drove Justin back to the loft and they climbed into the jeep.

"I'm sorry for snapping the other night," Justin said once they were on the road to his apartment.

"Don't be," Brian said easily. "Your mom was doing just what you didn't want." He reached over and gently squeezed the man's thigh. "And I know you still have some panic attacks."

Panic attacks. Justin almost snorted. He did have panic attacks, but so much more. He had attacks of all kinds, emotional outburst. The doctor monitored him as best as he could, but since Justin could only afford a cheap clinic, he didn't get to see the doctor enough.

"You could come back to the loft," Brian said after a second.

Justin looked out the window. "I know," he said softly. "But I can't."

"Why?" Brian demanded, maybe a little harshly. He hated to show that he actually cared about Justin staying with him, but he did.

Justin sighed. "I've lived on my own for close to two years," he said without looking at him. "I can't just move back in and let you take over."

"Take over?" Brian asked with a raised brow.

"Brian," he said slowly. "You have always taken care of me from the very beginning. Well, I've learned to take care of myself." He glanced at Brian, but the man didn't look at him. "If I move back in with you, you'll take over my life again, take care of me entirely. I won't be as independent as I've learned to be."

Brian tapped the steering wheel with his index finger. "So you won't stay with me because you want your independence, but you will stay with Michael and Ben."

"It's different," he said, massaging his right palm gently. His hand was starting to ache. "They're not taking care of me. They're letting me stay with them for a little while." He gave Brian a little smile. "I think staying with Ben will be good for me."

Brian nodded. Being with Ben would help Justin, but he wanted the blond with him. He might not understand everything going on with Justin, but he wanted to help him.

"Brian," he said softly after a couple of minutes.

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he admitted softly.

"Who said you hurt me?" He asked flatly, knowing he wasn't fooling either of them. Justin knew he'd hurt him by leaving.

Justin stared at the man for a long minute. "Maybe I didn't," he finally said.

"You didn't." Liar. They both knew it was a straight out lie, but Justin knew Brian wouldn't admit the truth.

"What made you decide to move back?" Brian finally asked. "You insisted you were leaving."

Justin looked out the window for a long minute. Brian didn't say anything, just waited to see what he said.

"You," he said. "Ben. Me."

Brian looked over at him quickly. Ben?

"I'm tired of being alone," Justin whispered.

"What about your friends?" He asked as he stopped in front of Justin's apartment building.

"I don't have any," he admitted as he carefully climbed out of the jeep.

"What?" Brian asked in surprise. He couldn't picture the blond without friends, he was such a bright social person.

Justin shrugged his good shoulder and started into the building.

Justin stood nervously in his tiny apartment, looking at what little he had. He was used to living with so little, to having old secondhand things. He felt a little self-conscious of Brian looking at his things, seeing how poor he was. The last time Brian had been in the apartment, Justin had been too preoccupied to care about Brian seeing his home.

"How long have you been here?" Brian asked casually as he started to stack the books on the little counter.

"Almost the whole time," he said as he shoved clothes into a trash bag. He didn't have any boxes, not that he had much to pack. Most of what he had was his clothes.

"What happened to your easel?" Brian asked with a raised brow. He'd bought him a nice easel.

"Ah," Justin said and bit his lip for a second. "It broke." It had upset him when he came out of his rage to find he'd broken it, even if he hadn't been using it.

Brian eyed the blond for a moment, sure of why the easel broke. He could remember Justin's rages, and from the outburst the other night meant he was still having them.

It didn't take long for the apartment to be packed and for Justin to inform his landlord that he was moving. A few more minutes and he found out he didn't have a job. His boss was nice enough to pay him in cash for the last week of work.

"Why haven't you been using your health insurance?" Brian asked as he drove back for their part of town. "You're still covered."

"I didn't want you to find me," he explained. "I didn't want my constant visits on file for you to see. Then after a little while I assumed you dropped it."

"You're still covered," he said again. "I gave the hospital the information and had them back bill for your last two visits as well."

"You didn't have to do that," Justin said looking at his lap. "And you don't have to provide my insurance."

"I know I don't," he said easily. "I never have, but I still am."

He nodded. Brian had taken care of his health insurance since his father dropped him when he graduated high school. It was one of million things Brian had always done for him.

"So you use it to go to a good doctor," he told the younger man.

"Brian," he protested.

"Justin," he said firmly. "This is not something to argue about. You need to see a good doctor, not someone in a clinic." He reached over and squeezed Justin's knee, needing to touch him. "I want you to be taken care of."

Justin smiled a little. Brian always wanted to take care of him. "Thank you," he said after a minute.

"Anything," Brian said calmly, staring at the road. He would do anything he could for the man sitting next to him. He just couldn't really express himself, something Justin had always wanted from him.

Ben came out to the jeep when they pulled up in front of the house. He and Brian grabbed a couple bags while they only let Justin carry one because of his ribs. Carrying the bag up the stairs he was glad he only had one. His ribs were hurting and he was ready to take a pill.

"Welcome to Michael's home for the HIV," Brian said sarcastically as he set the last bag of Justin's things on the bed in the guest room.

"Brian," Justin sighed, shaking his head.

Brian gave him a little smile and started unpacking clothes.

"I can do that," he protested, but knew it was pointless. When Brian wanted to do something, it was damn hard to change his mind.

Once Justin's things were unpacked, Brian gently pulled the smaller man to him with a hand on the back of his neck. He gently kissed Justin's soft lips. When Justin leaned into the kiss, Brian deepened it, plunging his tongue into the blond's warm mouth.

Justin moaned and Brian put his arm around him, holding him tight. He pressed his hips against Justin's letting him feel how hard he was, moaning when he felt Justin's own hardening cock. It never took much for either man to make the other hard.

He lost himself in Justin, loving it when the younger man wrapped his arms around him, one hand finding its way into his hair. God, he'd missed this kid.

He nearly groaned in disappointment when Justin pulled out of his embrace.

"No," Justin panted, separating himself from the man he loved. "I can't."

"Why?" Brian asked, wanting to pull Justin back into his arms. "Because of your status?"

"Partly," he admitted then sighed. "Brian, I love you, but things can't be like they were before."

Brian sat on the twin bed and looked at the younger man. Justin seemed so different than he was used to. This Justin seemed much older, world wary, and disheartened.

"Then how are things going to be?" He asked with a raised brow. "Are you going to ignore me? Reject me?" He tried not to let Justin hear how much that thought hurt him.

Justin shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself. "We just can't go back to being the way we were," he told him. "I'm not who I was."

Brian looked at him, knowing that. Justin wasn't the same man, but that didn't mean he didn't have feelings for him.

"I know," he said honestly.

Justin sighed. "I'm tired," he told him. It wasn't entirely a lie. He was tired, but mostly he wanted Brian to leave. He didn't know what to say to the man at the moment.

Brian stood up. "Why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow," he suggested.

Justin nodded. He wanted to be around Brian, always had.

Brian smiled and kissed him quickly. "You're still my boyfriend," he said quickly, before he lost the nerve. It was so hard to admit to this man how much he cared for him.

Justin looked up at him in surprise. "I'm not moving back," he said slowly. "Or having sex."

"I know," he said calmly, though he hated that Justin was refusing sex. He understood the man's fears, he really did, he just didn't like knowing he wasn't going to get that ass.

"You want to be a silly couple like hetero?" Justin teased.

Brian shrugged. He would be whatever he had to be to be with Justin, he just wouldn't say it. "As long as I get to second base on the first date."

Justin laughed.

"Get some rest, Sunshine," he said and kissed the man quickly again.

Justin watched the older man leave the room, amazed. Brian always amazed him. Just when he thought he had Brian Kinney figured out, he changed. Mr. I-Don't-Do-Relationships was wanting to date like a young couple.

It seemed he wasn't the only one he changed. First Michael, now Brian. What was next? Mel and Lindsey going straight?

Justin laughed at the thought. No one in the family would go straight.


	14. It's Kind Of A Date

Justin walked up the three steps of Mel and Lindsey's porch. Thinking about then the day before had him wanting to visit them and the children.

"Justin!" Lindsey exclaimed when she opened the door. She pulled the man into her arms, hugging him tightly. "Where have you been?"

"Linds," he gasped.

"Oh, sorry," she said and released him. "Come in."

Justin smiled and followed her into the house.

"Mel!" Lindsey called. "Come see who's here!"

Mel came down the stairs and broke into a grin. "Justin," she said and hugged him. "Are you okay? Where have you been? We missed you. Why did you take off?"

Justin couldn't help smiling a little. "I'm fine," he lied.

"Sit down," Lindsey said and gently pushed him onto the couch.

"Jus'in!"

Justin grinned as the dark haired five-year-old rushed into the room. He scooped the boy into a hug. He'd missed Gus.

"Where have you been, Cutie?" Mel asked as she picked up Jenny-Rebecca as the baby crawled away from her toys.

He sighed and began telling them the same things he'd been telling everyone, just leaving out the part about being positive. Thankfully, talk quickly moved away from him and to their family.

"Play cars with me, Jus'in?" Gus asked after a little while and Justin smiled brightly.

"Of course," he said instantly and got on the floor with the boy.

For the next hour he played with Gus, forgetting everything else in his life.

"You have to come over for dinner this weekend," Lindsey insisted when he got ready to leave.

"I will," he promised and accepted a kiss on the cheek from each lesbian.

He smiled a little as he walked for the bus stop. The past hour had been the first in a very long time that he felt like normal, could be happy.

Justin stood nervously in front of the door to the loft. He wasn't sure how to do this, be around Brian again. What was he supposed to talk about? To do?

He blew out a breath and knocked.

Brian answered the door in jeans and a black wife-beater. Damn, he looked good. Of course, he always looked good no matter what he was or was not wearing.

Brian frowned at the blond as they stood in the doorway. "What's the matter?"

Justin shrugged. "Nothing," he said.

Brian didn't believe him, but gestured him inside.

Justin walked into the loft and something inside of him relaxed a little. The loft always felt like home, a safe haven.

"I ordered pizza," Brian said as he watched Justin glance around the room. He wondered what the man was thinking, but didn't ask. That would too lesbianonic.

He was rewarded with a smile when Justin turned around. It was not his Sunshine smile, but it was a real smile.

"Linds said you came by," he said casually as he put the pizza box on the coffee table.

Justin smiled. "Gus has gotten so big." He set his messenger bag on one of the barstools and accepted a beer when Brian held one out.

They sat down on the couch and Justin suddenly laughed.

"What?"

"Pizza and beer," he pointed out. "All we need now is a ball game and we'd be a couple of breeders."

Brian laughed. "We're not breeders so we better find something better to watch."

"Brad Pitt?"

"Patrick Swayze."

"That old man?" Justin asked in fake disapproval.

"He is not old, you little twat," Brian said with a scowl. "Now give me the remote so I can put a movie on."

Justin grinned, happy with their easy banter. "I guess I can watch him," he teased as he stood up. The stupid remote was on the plush chair. "He may be aged, but he is still hot." He flashed a bright grin at Brian. "Good thing I like hot older men."

"Twat," Brian laughed and threw one of the pillows from the couch at the blond.

Justin just laughed and plopped back down on the couch.

Brian smiled happily at him. The younger man was acting perfectly normal, just the way he had before. He always enjoyed their joking. Of course, he always enjoyed just about all of the time they spent together.

"How's the art coming?" Brian asked after sometime. They'd already discussed Gus and Kinnetik.

Justin took a long drink of his second beer. He shouldn't really be drinking since he was taking 'anti-crazy' pills, but it wasn't like he drank often.

"It's not," he admitted slowly.

"Why?" Brian asked in surprise. Art was Justin's main passion. He'd once said he could stop eating before he stopped drawing (and with his appetite that was saying something).

"Lack of inspiration," he said flexing his bad hand. "Trouble with my hand."

"What's wrong with your hand?" He asked with a frown. "You got almost all the strength back in it."

"That was before," Justin said softly. "Now, I have a lot of trouble with it."

"Is it the meds?"

He shrugged. "The meds, the disease, the stress," he said. "I don't know and it doesn't really matter. I do know I tend to have more trouble when I get stress or upset."

"Your hand is in tune with your emotions?" Brian asked with a laugh before thinking.

"Fuck you," Justin snapped.

"Sorry," he said instantly.

"Sorry is bullshit, remember?" Justin said throwing his own words back at him.

"Okay, how about I was being my usual smartass self?"

Justin smiled a little. "I'll accept that," he said then looked at his hand. "I think it's just the stress and nerves that cause it when I'm upset. Doc says that since the injury was from a brain injury that my emotions cause the nerves in that part of my brain to react and so my hand reacts."

Brian nodded and didn't delve any farther into it. He knew how much Justin hated talking about his injury. He had the feeling he was going to be the same way about being positive.

He let the subject drop and they turned their attention back to the movie.

"I should be heading back," Justin finally said standing up. The evening had been really nice, comfortable, normal.

"You don't have to," Brian told him, but he knew Justin wouldn't stay.

Justin gave him a little smile as he carefully slung his bag over his shoulder. "I know," he said calmly.

Brian pulled the younger man into him and kissed him. He'd been dying to since the moment he walked into the loft. He held Justin to him, delving his tongue into his mouth, pleased when Justin moaned.

Justin wrapped his arms around Brian, pressing against him. He pressed tighter to the man when Brian slid his hands down to hold his ass, squeezing it. God, he loved Brian's hands. Okay, he loved everything about Brian.

He finally pulled away after a minute, panting for air.

Brian grinned at him as he always had, knowing the effect he had on him.

"I should really go," he said after a long second. If he stayed and allowed Brian to touch him again, they would end up in the bed.

"Do you need a ride back?"

Justin shook his head. "I'll be fine," he assured him.

Brian nodded, not really wanting to let him leave alone, but knowing he had to. Justin wanted to be independent, didn't want Brian telling him what to do.

"I'll see you later," Justin said and quickly pressed a kiss to Brian's lips.

"You can bet on it," he said as he opened the door.

Justin gave him a smile. It wasn't a bright happy smile, not his sunshine smile, but it was getting closer.

"Night," Justin said and hurried out of the loft.

Brian watched as he got in the elevator and it descended before going back into the loft.


	15. Justin's Needs

**A week later**

The bell over the door jingled when Brian opened it, entering Red Comics, Michael's comic book store. No one was in the pain part of the store, but he could hear voices from the little storage room at the back of the store.

"We can't," Brian heard. It was Justin's voice and it sounded pained.

He hurried to the storage room, which was open to the rest of the store.

"Okay, Justin," Michael said quickly.

Brian paused when he finally spotted the two men.

They were sitting together on the floor, papers cluttered around them, most with crude sketches on them. It was clear the two were working on Rage. Justin though sat with tears falling from his eyes, his face pale, his hands shaking.

Michael was next to him and was pulling the blond into a hug. "I'm sorry, Justin," he said softly, wishing had he kept his mouth closed. "I shouldn't have suggested it."

"We can't," Justin said into the man's shoulder. "He has to be healthy, they all have to be healthy."

Michael rubbed the younger man's bad soothingly. This was the second crying emotional breakdown he'd dealt with, the forth breakdown in total. He'd had no clue the emotional troubles Justin had, and Ben clearly hadn't either. They weren't going to throw the young man out, it was just more than they were expecting. He'd wondered a couple times if this was how Justin had been after the bashing, what Brian had dealt with.

"They will," he assured Justin softly. "I promise."

Justin nodded, holding onto Michael. He stopped crying, but he was clearly struggling for breath.

"Calm down," Michael told him gently. "Take deep breaths."

Justin nodded again, but his erratic breathing didn't change.

Brian knelt down next to the two men, surprising Michael. He hadn't heard the man enter the store.

He place a hand in the center of Justin's back, pressing firmly. "One breath, Justin," he said firmly. "Inhale."

Justin inhaled shakily. He reacted instantly to Brian's command, so used to the man helping to ease his attacks.

"Exhale."

Justin let his breath out slowly.

Michael slowly released Justin as Brian talked him through a breathing exercise. He and Ben had used breathing to help finish calmly Justin from his other attacks, but Brian was helping much quicker.

It took only a minute for Justin's breath to even out. He opened his eyes and Michael gave him a weak smile. "Better?" He asked stupidly.

Justin nodded and turned to Brian, wiping the tears from his face. "Thanks."

Brian smiled and sat down with the two men. "What brought this on?" He asked casually, not sure how easy it was to set off an attack anymore. He'd only seen one in the past week, but he'd only been seeing the blond in the evenings.

Justin bit his lip and looked at Michael. He didn't really want to tell, too ashamed. All it had taken was for Michael to suggested JT be sick and for Rage to cure him.

"Me and my mouth," Michael said, shrugging. If Justin wanted his boyfriend to know, he would tell him.

Brian raised a brow and looked between the two for a second, but didn't ask again. "Working on a new issue," he observed. "Lot of sex?"

"Obviously," Justin laughed.

"People would throw a fit if Rage didn't fuck," Michael said with a grin. "What are you doing here?"

Brian smirked. "Do I need a reason?"

"I think he's jealous," Justin said in a stage whisper to Michael.

Brian glared at the blond. "Twat." He had to smile after a second though. Most of the time they'd known each other, Michael had openly disliked the younger man. That dislike seemed to be gone, and he was glad. It made dealing with Michael much easier.

"So what are you doing here?" Justin asked, smiling, as if he hadn't been crying a few minutes ago.

"Let's go for a walk," Brian said after a second. He didn't want to talk about this in front of Michael, incase Justin didn't want anyone to know.

Justin looked at him questioningly, but nodded.

"I'll clean this up," Michael offered. "You need to give you hand a break anyway."

"Thanks," Justin said with a real smile for his new friend.

"Come on, Sunshine," Brian said standing up and offering a hand to the younger man.

Justin smiled and stood up.

They were silent as they left the little shop. Once they were on the sidewalk, Brian reached out and took Justin's hand in his.

Justin turned his head to look at Brian in surprise, but the man was pointedly looking ahead. He almost made a teasing remark about Brian Kinney not holding hands, but decided to keep his mouth shut and enjoy it.

"You said your new doctor suggested you see a shrink," Brian said after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence.

Justin nodded with a pout. He understood why the doctor suggested it, but he'd never liked the thought of spilling his guts to a stranger.

"I found a good one," Brian told him.

"What?" Justin asked in surprise. "You despise shrinks."

Brian shrugged. "You're not me; maybe one will help you," he said without looking at this boyfriend. (He still had trouble using the word, but it was the truth.)

"I don't want to," Justin pouted, knowing he sounded like Gus.

"Don't be a princess," Brian said with a small frown. "If you won't let me help you without whatever is causing your troubles then you should consider a therapist."

"Nothing is," Justin protested. "I mean, sure being positive has made my life hard, but I can't see why it would be causing these attacks."

"What about life in general?"

Justin shrugged. "Life sucked before," he admitted. "I understood being depressed, but things are getting better. Why aren't I?"

"That is the big question," he pointed out then gave the twink a little smile. "And you are getting better, Sunshine. I can see the change, the life is starting to come back to your eyes."

Justin didn't know what to say so he just stayed silent and walked with Brian. He'd seen the man everyday this past week and he knew Brian was trying to understand the way Justin was now. It made Justin love him even more.

"So," Justin said slowly after another couple minutes of silence between them. "Shouldn't you be at the office?"

Brian smirked. "I'm the boss, remember? I set my own hours."

Justin couldn't help smiling a little. "In other words, it's Friday and you can hit the bar early," he chuckled.

"I could," he agreed. "But I'm actually going over to spend the afternoon with Gus. Want to come?"

Justin smiled brightly. He loved Gus and he'd only seen him the once since returning. "I'd love to," he said honestly.

"Let's go then," Brian said and turned them back for the store and his car.

They were almost back to the car when Brian asked, "Have you found a job yet?"

"No," Justin admitted dejectedly. "Deb said I could come back to the diner, but I can't live off the money I'd make there and I don't want to impose on Ben and Michael forever."

Brian nodded slowly. "What about working for me?" He suggested. "I could use your expertise in the art department."

"I don't need a pity job," Justin said tensely.

"I'm not asking you out of pity, Justin," Brian said instantly. "I need someone in the art department, I've been interviewing applicants for two weeks. You would be perfect."

Justin bit his lip, looking at the man. He needed a job and he'd worked for Brian before. He knew he could do the job. "You're not just asking because I need a job?"

"I'm asking because I know you can do the job," Brian told him. "And because I know you need a job."

"Are you willing to fire me if I can't do my job?" He asked pointedly.

"Yes," Brian lied after a minute. He wouldn't fire Justin, but he could find something else for him to do. Not that he thought Justin couldn't do the job. Justin did a wonderful job interning.

Justin didn't entirely believe Brian, but he was sure he could do what Brian needed, at least at a beginning level. "Thank you," he said with a small smile.

"There's only one condition," Brian said lightly.

"What?" Justin asked slowly, trying to judge if Brian was joking or serious.

Brian grinned at the blond. "You come to Babylon tonight."

Justin bit his lip. Babylon. All the men, lights, music. He missed it, he really did, but was he up to it?

"Come on, Sunshine," Brian said throwing his arm across Justin's shoulders. "You know that Babylon and Woody's are part of a normal life."

"And I want a normal life again," Justin said slowly, smiling. He really did want a normal life again, and he was slowly working towards it. He was back with the family, had a place to live, and now a job. He had Brian too, if he was willing to take him.

"I guess it's a date," Justin said, grinning when Brian winced at the word. Somethings would never change.


	16. Babylon

Justin walked nervously into Babylon, Ben's arm around his shoulders. He appreciated that arm, the sense of safety and comfort his friend was offering. He wasn't scared of the crowd, not like he had been after being bashed. No, he just felt nervous as hell being in such a large crowd in a loud environment. Maybe he should have asked if they could all go to Woody's instead.

He inhaled deeply. No. He wasn't going to act scared or even unsure of himself. The club was familiar and he should be comfortable.

Ben weaved them through the crowd, following Michael.

Justin smiled when they stopped in front of Brian, who was leaning back on the bar. He slid away from Ben and to Brian's side.

Brian's arm snaked around his waist and the nervous tension in Justin slid away. He always felt safe with Brian, from the first night he met him.

Brian smiled and he slid his arm around Justin, glad to have him there. There had been no hesitation in Justin's action.

He gently squeezed Justin's waist as he smiled and Michael and Ben. "Isn't a little late for the responsible Stepford faggs?" He smirked.

Michael rolled his eyes, long used to Brian's remarks about being a Stepford fag. "Shut up and get up something to drink," he laughed.

Brian grinned and motioned for the bartender.

Justin looked at the crowd as he accepted a beer, the only one he would allow himself. His new doctor didn't want him drinking at all, but said if he was going to drink to limit himself to two or three a week.

He watched the men dancing and it felt like nothing in life had changed.

Ben put his hand on Justin's shoulder and leaned close. "Life doesn't have to change much," he said in his ear. "You're still you and you can still enjoy yourself."

Justin turned a smile at the man. Ben had said that several times this past week, but he liked being reminded right now.

"So grab Brian and go dance," Ben said gently pushing Justin's shoulder so that he pushed into Brian's side more.

Justin chuckled and pulled away from Brian, who looked at him with a raised brow.

Justin grinned brightly, his eyes shining, his Sunshine smile. Brian loved it. Brian smiled as Justin pulled him into the crowd. He held the blond lightly as they danced. They didn't grind against each other as they had so many times in the past, this was dancing to the music while holding each other.

They danced for at least twenty minutes before the loud music and press of bodies started to get to Justin. A throb started in his left temple while his breathing changed to short and almost panicked breaths.

He felt like crying even as his hand started to shake. He didn't want to have an attack, not here, not now. He'd been feeling so normal.

"Sunshine?" Brian asked Justin stopped dancing. He touched the younger man's face and recognized the start of an attack in those blue eyes.

Justin blinked several times and Brian knew he was forcing back tears, tears of hatred at what he was going through.

"Let's go up to the office," he suggested sliding an arm around Justin's waist.

Justin swallowed nervously and nodded. He needed a little peace and hopefully he wouldn't make a spectacle of himself. That had been one of the good things about living alone, even if he had an attack in public, he didn't care what those people think. He didn't want to break down yet again in front of his friends, especially in public.

He struggled to control his breathing, trying not to shake with tension, as Brian deftly moved them through the crowd and to his office.

Justin didn't look at anything as he walked into the office. He smacked his left hand against the wall in anger then pressed his forehead against the wall, tears starting the fall from his eyes. He hated this, the fear and anger, the loss of control.

Brian closed the office door and walked to the fridge, letting Justin have a minute. He grabbed two bottles of water, set them on the coffee table in front of the little couch, and went to stand next to Justin.

The younger man still had his head against the wall. His body trembled, his breathing still coming in short pants, his right hand closed in a fist and curled in towards his wrist. Brian knew there would be tears on Justin's cheek, just as he knew Justin would do his best to keep Brian from seeing them.

Brian gently put his hand on the back of Justin's neck, feeling the slight tremors in the man's body.

"Inhale," he said calmly and Justin did. "Exhale." Justin exhaled.

Brian kept his voice calm, his touch light, as he talked Justin through a breathing exercise.

It took several minutes before Justin's breathing even out and the tremors stopped. Brian removed his hand as Justin stood up straight. The younger man scrubbed his face with his left hand and right fist, his back to Brian.

"Come sit down," he said gently to Justin. "Drink some water. Do you have any medicine?"

Justin nodded and walked to the small couch, pulling out the small pill box he always kept with him. He sat down and pulled out a pill for his sudden anxiety and one for the migraine trying to take root. So many times the two went hand-in-hand.

He swallowed down the pills, still unable to look at Brian. Brian had dealt with Justin's attacks so many times before, but he hated for him to see it any way.

"Justin?" Brian asked gently after a minute. He was so rarely gentle with people, but this was Justin.

He shook his head, refusing to look at the man. "I hate it," he said, tears filling his eyes again. "It's worse than after the bashing."

Brian slid his arm around Justin's shoulder and Justin leaned into his side.

"At least then I understood why I was having attacks," he went on, forcing his right hand open. "The doctor could say it was PTSD or whatever."

"What is it now?" Brian asked softly, rubbing Justin's arm.

"I don't know," he nearly sobbed and Brian wrapped him fully into a hug. "The doctor just attributed to the bashing and moved on."

"The new doctor?"

"He wants to do some tests," Justin said rubbing his eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling again. "He's already talking about therapists and neurologists."

"Maybe they can figure out what's causing the attacks."

"I don't know," he said quietly. "I just want them to stop."

"They will," Brian told him. "The doctor will find out what's causing them and fix it."

"Like my hand was fixed?" Justin asked bitterly, pulling out of Brian's arms. "It will never be the way it was and neither will I."

Brian nodded calmly. "I'm not saying you will be who you were. I'm saying that the attacks can be controlled. There is no such thing as being truly fixed. Nothing can be completely fixed."

Brian took Justin's right hand and started to massage it, something he'd done so many times. "But you've struggled and overcame problems before, Sunshine."

"With your help," he said softly, watching Brian's hands.

"And I'll help you again if you want," Brian promised.

Justin stared at Brian, the man he'd loved from the night he met him. There was a gentleness in those dark eyes that he only showed to Justin and Gus.

"I'd like that," he said honestly after a minute. "If you want to."

Brian gave him a small smile. "Partners are supposed to take care of each other, right?" He asked lightly. If felt strange to actually be using the term, but he knew how much Justin used to love it when he did.

Justin couldn't help smiling a little. "I suppose we are."

Brian looked down at their hands for a second. "I'd like to come to your next appointment," he said looking back up to blue eyes. "I'll even go with you to a shrink's if you want to go and want me to."

Justin huffed a laugh. "You'll go to a shrink?"

"With you," Brian said honestly. "If it will help you."

Justin was forever amazed by Brian. The man was such an asshole on the outside, but he was always doing so much for his friends. And Brian had never denied Justin anything he needed, and little that he wanted.

"I love you, Brian," he said and hugged the holder man.

"I know you do, Sunshine," Brian said, hugging him back, and Justin smiled. He could read Brian's words and knew what he was really saying.

Justin leaned back in Brian's arms enough to touch their lips together, wanting to feel him. He moaned when Brian licked his bottom lip and opened his mouth.

They broke apart after a couple minutes, gasping for breath.

Brian stood up after a second, breathing heavily. "Let's go dance," he said. As torturous dancing with the blond was, being alone with him in his arms was much harder.

Justin nodded and stood up. If he tried he could pretend this attack never happened and he could enjoy the rest of the night.

"Come on, Sunshine," Brian said and put his arm back around Justin. "Let's have a little fun."

Justin smiled and enjoyed the reset of the night with Brian, Michael, and Ben.


	17. First Day of Work

Justin barely made it into the lobby of Kinnetic Monday morning before he was suddenly wrapped in a hug, inhale perfume.

Cynthia pulled back almost as quickly and smiled brightly. "I'm so glad you're back, Justin," the blond woman said and made a show of looking him over. "You're too skinny."

Justin laughed. He'd always liked Brian's assistant. "I'm working on that," he assured her. It was so nice to be able to eat properly again, even if Ben had him eating healthier food.

"So, Brian said you're going to be working with us?" She said as they walked through the old bathhouse turned office.

He nodded.

"Well, I know you'll do great," she said easily. "Mark will be glad to see you, he always praised your work before."

"That's because I was fucking the boss," he laughed.

"No, it was because of your work," she assured him with a smile.

Justin just smiled as they walked for the art department.

"Brian's already in a meeting this morning," she told him. "Mark isn't in yet so I'll introduce you to his assistant Jordon."

"How many new people are there?" He asked calmly. He'd worked with the art department a lot before so he was hoping there would be a couple familiar faces.

"Just a couple," Cynthia said.

They walked into the art department, which had changed little from when Justin last set foot in it.

"Jordon," Cynthia said and a slender redhead walked over. "This is Justin Taylor."

The man ran his eyes slowly down Justin and back up and Justin knew the look of lust in the man's eyes.

"Are you the new hire?" Jordon asked slowly.

Cynthia touched Justin's shoulder. "I have to get to the conference room," she said. "Try not to take over the whole department until after lunch."

Justin laughed as she walked away, but Jordon frowned.

"I'm sure HR has already gone over your qualifications," Jordon said with a raised brow. "But I would like to know what they are."

Justin raised a brow at the man, knowing he wasn't head of the department, but he would indulge him for the moment. "I attended PIFA."

"Did you receive your degree?"

"Nope," Justin said calmly. "I interned at Vanguard." He smiled a little. "But I was let go."

Jordon frowned a little more. "Why?"

"For making political posters discrediting an important client." He could help smirking and adding, "and fucking the boss."

Jordon sputtered, clearly in surprise and disapproval.

"I was an assistant art director in Hollywood for a while, but the movie fell through and I returned home," he went on, smiling. This was rather fun, explaining his work history and watching the other man's reactions.

"Then?" Jordon asked after a second, looking a little impressed at the mention of Hollywood.

"I enrolled in PIFA again," he told him. "But I left again."

"Why?"

Justin shrugged. It wasn't the man's business.

"You left out the part where you worked for Kinnetic."

Justin turned around and smiled at Mark, a tall slender man with long black hair. "Mark," he said with a genuine smile.

"How the hell have you been?" the straight man asked and hugged him.

"I'm doing okay," he said and realized it was the mostly the truth. He was doing much better since returning to Liberty.

"I assume since Jordon is grilling you that you are the man Brian hired?"

"That's me," Justin said with a smile. "Your assistant wanted to know if I'm qualified."

Mark laughed and looked at Jordon. "Everything Justin said in true," he told him. "Justin also worked with us here quite a bit when the office first opened. Hell, Justin has been with Kinnetic longer than I have."

"That's because I named the business," Justin reminded the man with a laugh.

"You did?" Jordon sputtered.

"So has the boss man hired you for real or are you just here to play?" Mark asked lightly.

"I'm here to work," he told him. "I figure it's time for me to get a real job and this is something I know I can do."

Mark nodded seriously and started taking Justin around, introducing him to the new people, letting him greet those he already knew. He finally settled Justin onto a project with Jordon.

"You have quite a history," Jordon commented as they worked. "Yet you never completed anything."

"I don't need the degree from PIFA to work here or make my art," he told him. "I would have completed the job in Hollywood except the movie was cancelled and I chose to return home."

"And Vanguard?"

Justin couldn't help smiling a little. "I disagreed with Chief Stockwell," he said honestly. "I made propaganda posters to discredit him."

"And having sex with someone?"

Justin's smile grew. "Yeah, I was caught fucking one of the partners of the firm," he said with a laugh. "Literally caught with our pants down."

"No shit," Jordon said, looking impressed.

"It wasn't funny at the time of course, but it is now."

"So," Jordon said slowly, moving a little closer. "You don't mind fucking people you work with."

Justin looked at the man for a second. "I have a partner," he said flatly. It was no one's business he wasn't having sex with his partner, but he still had one. He had to smile at that as he turned back to the board on the table. Brian wanted him as his partner despite everything.

"Since when does that matter to gay men?" Jordon asked suggestively.

He rolled his eyes. So many gay men assumed all relationships allowed fucking around.

"Yes, Justin, since when does that matter?"

Justin turned to find a grinning Brian standing a few feet away.

"Since my partner is a little possessive," he said looking at Brian with a small smile.

"And will fire any man who makes too many advances on you," Brian said calmly then looked at Jordon. "You have been told no, I don't suggest you try again."

Jordon sputtered again, looking from his boss to the new employee.

"No need to scare him, Brian," Justin said rolling his eyes.

Brian chuckled. "It's lunch time," he said lightly. "Come on, we'll go to the diner."

Justin nodded and looked at Jordon. "I'll be back after lunch, I guess."

Jordon nodded, but the look in his eyes was no longer friendly, it was a little jealous and bitter.

Justin sighed softly. That was the problem of people knowing he was in a relationship with Brian, it causes trouble with the other employees.

"So you're talking about sex now?" Brian teased as they walked through the office.

"I don't have much of a problem talking about it," Justin told him, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Just having it."

Justin looked at his feet as he walked. "You know why."

"I understand why you say you don't want to," he said honestly. "But it's not an excuse." He put his arm around Justin's waist as they left the building.

"I don't think that is the real reason, Justin." He stopped them once outside the building and faced the younger man, their bodies almost touching. "I think you're scared, Justin," he said softly, staring into blue eyes that tried to look away. "Scared of the intimacy, of trusting again," he cupped Justin's face with both his hands and closed the distance until their noses almost touched, "of letting me in."

Justin made himself look away from Brian's eyes, swallowing loudly. How was it Brian knew him so well?

"You have always trusted me, Justin," he went on after a minute. "Why won't you now?"

"I don't know," he admitted softly.

They were silent for several silent minutes, Brian holding Justin's face, staring at him.

"You're right," Justin finally whispered. "I am scared."

"Of what?" Brian asked softly, ignoring everything except the man in front of him.

"I'm not who I was," Justin said, a tear slipping from his eye. "You want the man I was before."

Brian felt a tightness in his heart. "I want you," he told him firmly. "Just because you've changed a little, just because you're positive, doesn't change that." He wiped the tear from Justin's cheek. "I'm not exactly the same man either. I've grown up a little."

Justin had to smile a little. Brian had grown up a little?

Brian gently kissed Justin's full lips. "Trust me again," he whispered.

Justin looked back up into Brian's eyes. "I'll try," he said after a second.

"Answer me something then we can move onto a lighter conversation," Brian said brushing his thumb along the younger man's cheek.

Justin nodded a little.

"Do you still want to be with me?"

Justin nodded instantly, without even needing to think.

Brian smiled and kissed those full lips again. "Good, because I don't want to lose my partner again."

Justin smiled a little, loving hearing Brian use that word.

"So," Brian said slowly, taking a step back. "You going to go back to drawing my cock?"

Justin couldn't help laughing. "I might," he said lightly.


End file.
